Saturday, August 14, 2021

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.

Somehow the name "Dave" has become a bit of a meme lately.  Everyone knows a Dave.  I have had a couple friends named Dave and they've all been solid friends, good sorts.

So, Celebrate your friends, whether they are named Dave or not!


Everybody Knows Somebody Called DAVE.

Dave is an advertising executive in L.A., who is always boasting that he knows EVERYONE on the planet, & they all know him.

His colleagues love hearing his stories about this celebrity, or that politician. However, his boss doesn't believe a word & challenges him to prove his boasts.

Boss: I'll name 3 people. If you can't prove you know them & they know YOU, you're fired & I'll make sure you never work in this town again.

Dave: Boss, I know everyone. Who's first?

Boss: Tom Cruise.

Dave: Me & Tom were in acting class at Yale. We go way back.

So they drive up to Beverly Hills & knock on Tom's mansion door. Tom answers & says: Hi Dave, I've just got the NEW Mission Impossible script. Come & have a read, & tell me what you think.

(Boss is suitably impressed)

Boss: OK, well done. Next is the President, Barack Obama (this identifies the age of the joke)

Dave: After I left Yale, I was an undergrad at Harvard Law. I roomed with him before he met Michelle.

So they go out to Washington & start a tour of the White House. Just as they're passing the west wing, they hear a voice saying: Hi Dave, I have a security council meeting soon, but I've always got time for an old friend. They proceed to the Oval Office for coffee.

At this point, the boss is EXTREMELY impressed and says: RIGHT, I'll change the challenge. If you can prove you know the LAST person PERSONALLY, not only is your job safe, but I'll make you a partner.

Dave: Boss, I told you, I know EVERYBODY. Who is it?

Boss: His Holiness, THE POPE!

Dave: no worries, boss. Prior to Yale, I was in Seminary with him.

So they board the corporate jet & fly to Rome. They enter the Vatican, where they gather in St Peter's Square, surrounded by the 10,000s of the faithful.

Dave: boss, he won't spot me among all these people. Give me 1/2 an hour. I know all of the Swiss Guard. I'll come out on the balcony with him.

30 minutes later, the doors open on the balcony, & the Pope emerges to perform his benediction. Next to him is Dave.

30 minutes after, & he returns, to find his boss prone on the floor & being administered by paramedics. 

Dave: Boss, boss, what happened?

Boss: I....had a.....heart att....ack.

Dave: But boss, I told you I knew him.

Boss: It wasn't that.....

Dave: well what was it then?

Boss: You came out onto the balcony, with His Holiness, & the guy next to me, gave me a nudge & asked........


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