Two friends are hunting in a forest when one of them suddenly just collapses.
He isn't responsive and his eyes are glazed over.
His friend panics and calls the police.
The operator asks what the emergency is and the guy says "I was hunting with my friend when he suddenly fell over.
He isn't making any noise and his eyes are glazed over! I think he's dead!"
The operator tells the man "Before you do anything else, I want you to make sure your friend is dead."
The operator hears silence for a couple of seconds before hearing a gunshot.
After that, she hears the man come back and he says "Okay, now what?"
Every day the father would give his son what he called advice as he was leaving the house for work, "Beetroota" and would give him a beetroot to take, for good luck.
The son never liked beetroot. But his father would insist every time. He had said this many times, but every time his father would say it to him as he was leaving the house. He never ate the beetroot. And how many times, he thought, did he have to tell him it was a "beetroot" not a "beetroota".
One day the son returned from work more frustrated than normal and had had enough. He presented his father with a beetroot. "There! Beetroota yourself, Pa."
Smiling, he said "Good advice, son."
And a bonus….
A woman takes her religious husband to the doctor.
During the visit, the husband says to the doctor "my eyesight is going, so I'm grateful that God is so helpful. When I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, God turns the light on when I enter and off when I leave."
Afterward, the doctor tells the woman about this and expresses concern.
"Thank God," the woman exclaims.
The doctor is confused. "You mean you believe that this is God helping your husband?"
"No, of course not," says the woman. "I thought I was losing my sense of taste, but it turns out it was just the apple juice."