Ok, so it's a twofer. I think I posted a variation of the first one here a while ago and I get a great smile out of tweaking "Officious" people. "Those who know me knows it's so" .
The second I should probably have saved for Sunday but hey the more the merrier!
DEA Officer at my farm
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday, he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”
I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!”
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face.
“See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?…. do you understand?!!”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores.
A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull….
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety.
The officer was clearly terrified.
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs “Your badge, show him your BADGE!!”
There was a man lost his favorite hat.
There was a man lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule.
When he got there, an usher saw him walk in, and escorted him directly to a pew. The man was too embarrassed to get up right away, so he sat and listened to the entire sermon.
After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway. The man shook the preacher's hand, and said, "I want to thank you for saving me today. I came to church to steal a hat and ended up listening to your sermon on the 10 Commandments."
The preacher replied, "You mean the commandment 'Thou shall not steal' changed your mind?"
The man shook his head and said, "No. The one about adultery did. As soon as you said that, I remembered where I left my hat!"