So, did you set your clocks ahead in the US? Some parts of the world have decided this whole daylight saving time is silly, in my mind, rightfully so.
Come on folks, pick one and stick with it!!!!
John gets extremely drunk with his friends at a hotel.
After they're done, he can barely stand up. He gets in a cab and says to the driver, slurring, "Take me to the nearest hotel."
The driver looks at him, confused. "You're literally outside a hotel."
John, being very, very, drunk, replies, "Oh, really? We're already here? Wow, this cab has gotta be the fastest thing on earth!" He pulls out a 20 dollar bill and says, "Here, but next time, don't drive so fast!"
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. However, their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Bach, the great composer, was having a difficult time writing new music.
With 20 kids in the house, it was hard for him to find quiet time to work.
So he decided to find a quiet place outdoors, and found a small shed in the woods. Unfortunately, it was so far from his home, that by the time he got there and started writing, it was time to go back home for lunch.
His wife came up with an idea, and started packing him sandwiches and snacks in a small bag to take with him. Brilliant!
And to this day, we can thank her for one of history's greatest inventions, the Bach's Lunch.