NASA is going to send cows into space soon. The steaks have never been higher.

A man is feeling ill so he goes to the doctors.
After a few scans, the doctor approaches him and says "It's not looking good, you've got 10."

The man, confused, replies "10 what? Years? Months?"
The doctor sighs and continues, "9...8...7..."



A wife tells his husband: "You don't treat our kids the same".
The husband replies: "Which one do you mean? Johnny, Steve or the ugly one?"



When I was little, a strange man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason!
So I've worked all my life to invent a time machine of my own, and I'm going back to when he was little and we'll see how he likes the taste of his own medicine.




What’s the difference between a barber, a surgeon and a cannibal
There isn’t one - they all cut parts of your body.




In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
CHEEEZE!