I used to have a pet cigarette because I couldn’t afford a dog. Every night I would take her out for a drag.

Cigarettes are one of the more pointless drugs if you ask me.  They accelerate your heart through your life, addict you, then give you cancer.

I'll stay off the soap box here.

As an athlete, I tend to be very aware of the effects of foods and drugs on performance.  I tell people that the world is not ready for me on caffeine, it will enhance my own performance on inline skates by up to a MEASURED 10%.

On that note, I'm going to the park today if I can get the cars moved around in the driveway.  I have a tankard of rather excellent half-caff to burn off.



A man went to the doctor.

He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" The doctor asked.

"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee." The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!"

"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.

"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.
The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can."

"I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said.

"There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.

"I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places."