A guy dies and is standing before St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter tells him, “We’re getting REALLY full in here, so please tell me something that you have done in your life that’s completely unselfish and deserving of getting into Heaven.”
The guy says, “Well, one day I was driving along a back road when I came across a young woman that was being threatened by a group of bikers. I got in between them and the woman and said, ‘If you want you to touch her, you’ll have to kill me first.
St. Peter says, “Wow, that’s pretty unselfish and caring of your fellow human! When did this happen?”
The guy responds with, “About five minutes ago.”
I bought a straight jacket the other day, and I'm starting to regret it.
I thought it would be a good look, but I just can't pull it off.
I removed the shells from my racing snails to help them go faster
It only made them more sluggish.