What did the gold miner shout to the thief as he ran away...Au you got my gold.

Yeah, it's an old chestnut, but a great story. 

Just remember, the lottery is a tax on people who can not do math!

Dear god, please let me win the lottery

A man is broke and has lost all of his money due to medical bills. His wife is ready to take the kids and leave him. He is about to lose his house and all of his possessions. Out of desperation, he prays to god: "Dear Lord, please let me win the lottery, I'm about to lose my house!!!". The lottery comes and goes, and the man doesn't win, and the bank forecloses on his house.

So next week comes along and he prays to god again "Dear Lord, please, I need to win the lottery. I am homeless and if I don't win, my wife and kids are going to leave me!". Again, the lottery goes by and he doesn't win. His wife leaves and takes the kids with her.

Finally, the man, completely filled with despair, says to god "Dear god, this is it. I have lost my house, my family, everything! If I don't win the lottery this week then I am going to kill myself".

Suddenly, a huge booming light flashes in the sky and the man hears a loud voice from the sky say "Okay buddy, you gotta help me out here and buy a freaking ticket!"