What do you call a substance which fails to reduce friction? lubrican't

Some rules to life:
Always prepare when you have work to do, and always have proper protection.

This guy didn't and you can see what it got him!

A boy walks up to a pirate

A boy walks up to a pirate and curious about his missing leg, arm, and eye, asks about them.
"Why are your arm and leg missing?" the boy asks.

"Well, I was attacked by a gator while burying me treasure. Now I got me a wooden peg and hook for me hand"

"Then what happened to your eye?"
"Stupid seagull pooped in it."

"A bird pooping in your eye made it fall right out?" The boy asks, surprised.
"No, lad. That was the first day I had my hook!"