A family member told me that my sausage puns are dreadful but I've told wurst.

See here's the thing.  That phrase You Are What You Eat is becoming more and more proven as we go on.  Food here in the US is generally free of strange accidental things like bugs and dirt, but unfortunately is chock full of sugar and artificial chemicals. 



So either make your own from safe ingredients, or suffer the consequences.

Just like this person here.








My friend has intestinal problems.

However, he's found that eating certain kinds of food helps. Normally, he keeps them all to himself, but the other day he got really sick and had nothing to eat, so I offered to pick him up some groceries.

"Sure thing... Could you get some apples, beans, and alphabet soup?"

Now, apples and beans I'd heard help with his particular set of problems, but the soup was news to me. I didn't comment on it at time, though, since I figured he probably just wanted something quick to eat that wouldn't hurt his intestines.

So I go to the store, pick up these groceries, and drive them straight to his house. I go in to set them down, and he immediately asks for some of the soup. I figure the poor guy must be starving, so I go ahead and heat some up and bring it to him.

Soon as I do, be chugs it down and immediately runs off to the bathroom. When he comes back, he tells me he's feeling much better.

"Great news, but how did that work?"

"Ah, turns out I just needed a good vowel movement."