So I'm sitting here watching a rain front come through. Yes, thunderstorms and lightning very very frightening, right? Well... it's just a front, we'll all get through that. No worries, but it did give me a reason to put up a two-fer while I wait for a break in the clouds.
There was this guy who found an ancient book.
In that book he read that dolphins live forever if you feed them the meat of an eagle.
Some time later he came across a very sick eagle and thought: It's gonna die soon anyway, might as well take it to the dolphins at the local zoo to see if what's in the book is actually true.
At night he climbed over a wall to get into the zoo – and found himself right in the lion enclosure!
He managed to escape the lions by jumping over them and then climbing up a tree.
He was later arrested and charged with smuggling ill eagle goods over state lions for immortal porpoises.
And... since that was so short, here's another cringy joke!
I saw a homeless man
I asked him if I gave him $20, would he buy beer? He said no he hadn't had a beer in years.
Then I asked if I give him $20 would he buy car parts? He again said no, he got rid of his race car 15 years ago.
So then I said I'll do him better than $20. I'll take him home get him all cleaned up, get my wife to cook a fantastic meal for him, then bring him back & still give him $20.
He asked whether she'd get mad, but it really didn't matter. I just wanted her to see what happens to a man when he stops drinking & building race cars.