Did your hear about the alcoholic scuba diver? He was convicted of diving under the influence.

Sometimes you just need to brag about your successes.  Even if nobody is listening.


A man enters the confessional

He says to the priest “father, do you know that new girl who moved into town?”

“Kathrine? That supermodel with the blonde hair and the long legs?”

“That’s the one father. Well, I’ve been sleeping with her all week. We did it twice a day Monday to Friday, and then on Saturday we did it four times, and then just this morning we did it before I came here.”

“Oh my, and you’re not married to her?”

“No father.”

“Well do you at least know if she’s a good catholic?”

“She’s not a catholic at all father and neither am I.”

“Well if you’re not a catholic what are you doing telling me?”

“I’m telling everybody in town!”