Why did the girl break off with the frostbitten mountain climber? She was lack-toes intolerant.

 I know someone who calls it exactly that.  I get a wry smile when I hear it because I know that I awakened the Dad Joke Gene in him and he's doing it for my benefit.

Repeat after me:  Lack Toes Intolerant...



Rumor got round that the bear kept a list of all the animals he plans to kill..

Scared and confused, the wolf went to confront the bear.
"Bear," said wolf. "Do you really keep a list of all the animals you plan to kill?"

"I do." said the bear.
"And... Is my name on it?" asked the wolf.

"It is." the bear growled. And the following morning, the wolf was found dead on the forest floor.

The fox came later that day to confront the bear.

"Bear," she said. "Do you really keep a list of all the animals you plan to kill?"
"I do." said the bear.

"And... Is my name on it?" she asked.
"It is." the bear growled. And the following morning, fox's mangled remains were found lying on the forest floor.

That day the rabbit, too, decided to confront the bear.
"Bear," he said. "Do you really keep a list of all the animals you plan to kill?"

"I do." said the bear.
"And... Is my name on it?" asked the rabbit.

"It is." the bear growled.
"Can - can you remove it?"

"Oh, for sure."




And finally since this is a bit short to stand on its own, remember Resumes say anything you want them to.  And usually do.


The interviewer said "Your resume says you take things too literally."
I said, "When the hell did my resume learn to talk?"