Saturday, September 9, 2023

What's literally the absolute worst thing in the whole world? Exaggeration.

 I come back from a workout demanding a large breakfast.  Of course I make it myself, the demands are my own needs and not to someone else.  I have a habit of making French Toast after a long cardio workout, have since I was competing on a team in college so long ago.  But the stuff is really an excuse for making bread pudding for a meal.

And that's nice on its own.   Bread soaked in Egg Custard and pan fried until crispy on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside.  Served coated with Mango Jelly.  What's not to like?

A woman works in the Editorial Office of a newspaper and brings in a large, fresh loaf of bread. She puts it in the break room, where eight or so "old boys" are sitting around drinking coffee. She says, "My husband is learning to bake and made this bread, but he made a mistake--"

But at that precise moment, her mobile rings and she steps out to take a call. One of the men suggests that they try the bread to determine the mistake, and the competition is on: Each grabs a slice and begins carefully eating a bite.

After a few moments, the art critic is sure that he's used the wrong grade of flour and begins explaining to everyone who will listen about how a 1050 grade will produce a darker white bread, obviously what has happened here.

The movie critic is absolutely certain that her husband added too much flour during kneading, which, as he slowly describes, stimulates gluten formation and results in a dense, stodgy bread that hasn't risen as much as desired.

The Chief chimes in, explaining how this kind of bread needed more steam during baking, wasn't sliced with a serrated bread knife, and points out that this bread could have done better in a seasoned aluminum tin.

The food critic, who has been silent this whole time, finally spells out his dismay, chiding the scoring shape and lack of originality in presenting such a plain loaf. Such a blunder is a clear sign of a novice and the critic is sure her boyfriend will not amount to much of a baker.

The woman, long since done with her call and standing in awe of how long this discussion has gone on, blurts out:

"He made too much."

No comments:

Post a Comment