Since it is Saturday night right now, and I am formatting this, weather permitting, I'll be carving big lazy circles around a big old gas bag at 15 mph.
So since it is Sunday, here's a little bit of heaven.
Getting into heaven
A man comes home after 5 years in the army, his wife says “I had a son while you were away, he’s yours”. The child looks 2 years old at most so the husband tried to argue that it can’t be his but his wife refuses to budge.
After days of drinking and nagging the man loses it, grabs a gun and shoots his wife then Himself.
The man wakes up in heaven being greeted by St Peter. Peter looks through his good and bad deeds and says “you were a great man who saved many lives in the army but it also says you killed your wife and yourself. This is a tough one so I need to ask god for help with this”.
The man goes to see god and explains his story, god asks the man “wait, what planet are you from”?
The man replies “Earth”, god says “he’s good, let him through”.
Peter says “god don’t you need more time to think about this”?
God replies “Peter, people from earth are really weird. I’ve never even been to Earth and people have been telling me for 2k years that I have a son there”