Where I work they put names on the sandwiches, today I had one called Kevin.

 I know someone who would like that title if he ever sees it.



A priest dies and arrives in heaven. Here, a couple of angels greet him, shake his hand, and welcome him.

A few moments later, a drunken Peruvian bus driver appears. He is welcomed with a celebration, fireworks, and God himself comes to welcome him.

At this point, the priest, somewhat offended, approaches God and says, 'Excuse me, I served the church and your name for an entire lifetime, and I am welcomed worse than this man?'

God responds, 'Your church was never full, my child, but when this man was driving on the streets of Peru, people prayed like never before.'




A woman lost her cat named Love

She was frantically searching the entire house, trying to find her beloved pet. It was getting dark and the woman worried the cat might have gotten out.

She threw on a bathrobe, stepped into her slippers, and went out into the yard, calling for her cat. When there was no reply she began running up and down the down the street.

Tears were streaming down her face, her make-up was running, and her hair was disheveled. A police officer saw her, took in her state, and hurried over to see if she needed help.

The officer approaches her. "Ma'am, are you right? Do you need help?"
The desperate woman grabs him by the shirt and nods furiously. "Yes officer, I need you help badly. I'm looking for Love."

He arrests her on the spot.




My grandfather swore by adding a spoonful of gunpowder to his tea every morning
to help him live longer, and it worked: he lived to the ripe old age of ninety-seven.

He left a widow, two children, fourteen grandchildren and a fifty-foot crater where the crematorium used to be..