Technology and I are Fighting. The Story of Why I Have Two Microwave Ovens.

Technology and I are going through a rough patch lately.

I have always got on well with things that way.  I'm the kind of person who took the old war time ethos of "Make Do And Mend" to heart.  

In that way, I've been able to learn quite a lot.  Replaced my own Oxygen Sensors on the Jeep when I needed to, for example.  Oil Changes are simple, and I do most of the maintenance on the car.  23 years old and runs like a "Swiss Watch".

>I was a Financial Project Manager for a major university on the East Coast.  "Req To Check" was my thing.  Requisitions through the posting of the Purchase Orders against the accounts on the General Ledger.  I was the strongest programmer in the department, the "Programmer of Last Resort" and the one who got the "meatiest problems".

My own favorite computer is about 6 years old.  It started out in corporate life as a Windows computer, and when it got to me, I immediately opened it up and upgraded the components.  One of the upgrades was to install Debian Linux, again, immediately.

To say that I am a Do It Yourself kind of tech guy is minimizing things here.

But lately, I'm about to toss most of it out the window.

You see, touch screens are the bane of my existence.  The things are everywhere.

Smart phones have them.  Cars have them.  Even my oven has a touch screen.

I don't see that they are being used properly.  I mean an oven?  With a Touch Screen?  Give me a break!

So as I am riding along, happily playing music, something happens and I need to control the phone.

Have I said yet that I hate iPhone for this sort of thing?  

Ok, I despise the little gadgets.  My big hands reach down to work on the phone and I almost always have to stop moving and pay attention.  It would be like a smaller person using the phone with their elbow and throwing it into traffic in disgust.

I don't know which tiny person designed these things but whoever you are, I hate you.

The latest thing to become "quirky" was my microwave oven.  Of all things to flake out, a microwave.  

In the kitchen there is very little with food that I won't attempt.  I have churned butter in the food processor - that takes about 5 minutes.  I also make the dog's food from scratch.  The ingredients that are raw have to be cooked to a minimum of 165F/74C so that the bacteria is killed.  Frozen Peas and Fresh Carrots are the two ingredients that go into the microwave.  I demand that they are cooked at full power uninterrupted.

Lately the microwave has decided that at random moments it will cycle, go to low power mode.  When it does that, the cooking cycle is ruined and I have to throw out what I am doing and restart the process.  There is no pattern with this, and I believe that an internal part is overheating.

Since I demand the thing to work without interruption, the microwave is useless to me.  This one is going into the trash.  But I have a second one.  That is a story in itself.

About 6 or more years ago, someone left a perfectly good microwave on the curb of my block.  It was left in the box, sealed.  Taped up from the factory.  Sitting pretty under a street lamp.  I walked Rack The McNab SuperDog past the box at the 5PM walk.  I walked him past it at 9PM.  The next morning, the box was still sitting there.  5AM.  Under the street lamp.

Yoink!  You are mine.

At that point the older microwave was still working well and I didn't believe that I needed this new one so I put it in the shed.  

This week I had had enough of flaky kitchen appliances.  I went to my shed, got the box, cutting my left wrist in the process.  Opening the box I brought the new microwave in and put it on the kitchen counter.  Doing so I said to the old microwave "If you fail again, I'm stripping you for parts, and you go out in the trash!".

Yes, I threatened my old microwave with a new microwave.

It has only been a few days and the old microwave is working correctly.  I think it took the hint.  

Cross me, and out you go old microwave!  

I have done that with iPhones as well.  I have a very good friend who hands me down old electronic hardware.  This computer that I put Linux on is not the first, and I have taken broken computers and recycled and up-cycled them into working useful equipment before.  I get old iPhones and have never bought one.  

But those iPhones?  I hate them and hate the entire ecosystem.  The idea that Apple has a walled garden to keep you safe has been dis-proven, and they are harvesting information for nefarious purposes, or so it has been said in the last few years.

Personally I think that Apple's Walled Garden has poison ivy in it.  I don't want to use their hardware the way that they want me to.  If I want to put music on the blasted thing, I should be able to plug it in and move data back and forth at will.  Pictures, and Documents as well.    I should be able to do a backup of the stupid thing to a network drive or attached memory stick but I have not found a way to do that.  On top of it all, that screen is too small.  Tiny for me.  I have to jump through hoops in order to get any of that done.

Pretty hardware that is dumbed down for some pointless exercise in minimalism.

So when I look at videos with "Shiny New Objects" with sparkly touch screens, I lose interest.  I'll stick with my 23 year old Jeep Wrangler, and my 6 year old laptop as much as possible.  

How exactly will I be able to use a touch screen on a car to adjust the air conditioning in traffic at 60 MPH with my elbow, again?

I am forced to use that confounded iPhone since I am a competition class dual sport athlete and my sport watch requires it.  Sport watch with a touch screen and Bluetooth.  To talk to the iPhone.  

It has a sealed battery in it that I have to recharge every 10 days too.  Eventually it will get flaky and I'll have to buy a new watch because nobody repairs things any longer.

Can someone please, find me a Tube Tester and a set of All American Five tubes?  I have a radio from 1956 that could use some refreshing.  I hear they have this new music called Rock and or Roll that might be fun, but R&B is much more my style.  Meanwhile, I will find a swing music or classical orchestral program.  Just to relax to.

Oh and Apple should get off my damn lawn.  I think they're drunk anyway.