What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!

I have to say that no matter how healthy you are, there are always reasons why things might be a bit odd.  I have had two visits with doctors this week and while they are all amazed at the level of fitness through cardio I have achieved, there is always something that they want to tweak.

One said "Get More Protein".  
I am already at 90g per day.  1g per ideal body weight in Kg.
More.  You will be fine, just get more.
Ok Doc!  I'll find a cow to gnaw on before the next check up!



 A man and his wife visited their doctor for a checkup.

The doctor wanted to examine the old man first. After examining him, the doctor said, "I'm surprised—you're in such excellent health!"

The old man replied, "I attribute it to my good and clean life." "Your good and clean life?" "Yes," said the old man. "I have lived such a good and clean life, the Lord Himself turns the light on for me when I use the bathroom—and the Lord Himself turns the light off for me when I leave."

"The Lord Himself did this?" the doctor asked. "Yes," insisted the old man.

The doctor nodded politely and said, "I will need to examine your wife next." The old man nodded and left the room.

The doctor then examined the wife. After completing his examination, he said, "You are in excellent health." "How is my husband?" the wife asked.

"Physically, he's fine," the doctor replied, "but I'm worried about his mental health." "Why?" the wife asked.

"He insists the Lord Himself turns the light on for him when he uses the bathroom—and the Lord Himself turns the light off when he leaves.

"The wife shouted, "My God! The damn fool is peeing in the fridge!"