How to get a Parrot to Bark

For years I've had Oscar.  In fact, I've had him since 1986.  He lives in a cage in the back room under the Bougainvillea where he is visited by the pigeons and the iguanas.

The iguanas I would rather just go away and never come back, but the pigeons are friendly enough.

Lettie doesn't like him much, but she hasn't actively gone after him in quite a long time.   I'd found that all I have to do is put Oscar's cage on the floor and open the door.   If Lettie notices, she casts the cage the evil eye and then leaves.  Oscar will then wander around looking for something to do like chew on the sea grass basket in the little end table.  

When Oscar's out, needless to say, he has to be watched.

People keep these birds because they do bond with us, and will try to interact with us.   The spot where the cage is at is one where he can see what's going on in the kitchen and the living room.  If he hears something, he's going to try to figure out what it is and whether he can interact with it.  I get hellos and Urp!s from him all the time when I'm baking.  If I laugh, he laughs back.

Today I finally realized that he barks.  Or at least he tries to bark.

I was watching a video of a man somewhere in Europe on a bike trail that I wish we had around here.   He had a pack of more than 10, probably 20 dogs all running along with him in a giant pack.  I Used to do the same with Lettie when she was able, skating for a couple miles at a slow pace but that did not work out.  I was too fast for her to keep up, and there just was no way she'd do a 30 mile workout with me.

This guy has it down pat though.  Riding gently, taking the dogs for a run, they did what dogs do.  At one point there was a dog that decided that it was time to greet the world with a bark.   That was when I heard a response from the back room. 

Oscar was barking back.

Every morning when I see him, he says to me "Urp" as if to say hello, then literally does say hello.   On the other hand, I didn't know that that noise was his bark.  Yes, he speaks "Dog as a Second Language".  It is a bit slurred, and since it is in his normal register it would be a small breed like a chihuahua.

I have a green feathered chihuaburd living with me.  Right now, he's barking at the laptop video that you see below.

Three Ingredient Fudge - Recipe

The picture is overexposed but the fudge wasn't.  In fact it turned out great.

It says three ingredient fudge, but in reality I added a fourth.  I like Pecans in my chocolate fudge.

The recipe can be made in the microwave in about 3 minutes at High Power.   Just remember to check it after each minute or so to make sure that your chocolate isn't scorching.  Stir as you nuke!

I made it in a sauce pan at low medium - Mark 2.  Just warm enough to melt the butter will do it.   Chocolate melts at 86 degrees so you really don't need a lot of heat!

Here's how I did it.

Ingredients:

• 1 can Sweetened Condensed Milk - 14 ounce.
• 2 Packages (11.5 to 12 ounces each) chocolate chips or "any flavor" chips you prefer.
• 3 Tablespoons Unsalted Butter.
•     OPTIONAL add 1/2 pound Pecans or other nuts. 
•     OPTIONAL add mini marshmallows to all of above to make Rocky Road.

To the saucepan on medium low, add butter.
When butter melts, add condensed milk and chocolate chips and Optional Nuts.

Stir until smooth.
Pour fudge out into lined 9x9 pan and allow to cool.

See!  I told you it was easy!  Fudge was one of those things we used to get at the Jersey Shore when we were heading home.   It wasn't really a childhood thing, more of a 20something thing for me.  I guess it was one of those things that was missing from growing up but really its so simple and easy to make that you don't need to drive "Down-a-shore" or to the mall to get the stuff.   All the ingredients were on hand here, and since I have extra Sweetened Condensed Milk, we're going to have more.  

I'm thinking Rocky Road next time!

Today there are some tongue and cheek helpful hints.  You will see what I mean when you get to reading them.  If you take them seriously, you need a vacation or at least a beer under the palm tree in the back yard.

Thank Kevin for this one, I can't take credit for it. 

Here you go, in all it's Shouty ALL CAPS best!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

God Enjoys a Good Laugh - Humor

Having read this one that I got over the week from Velma, I got a chuckle.  Ok, so there are some "historical inaccuracies" here and there, but then again it's humor so it doesn't have to be perfect.  


So enjoy it like I did!

GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH.
There were 3 good arguments that

Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married..
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

Can I get an AMEN?

Another Reason Not To Buy Chinese - Your Pet Food

Having to watch what I feed my dog very closely, I have to buy low protein treats.   One of the things that I noticed was a correlation between foods marked "Only Feed as Treats" with messages like "No More than One Per Day" and the dreaded words:

Made In China.

I already have learned not to buy Chinese goods wherever possible.  Certain things are simply impossible to buy that aren't made there.  All the jobs were shipped overseas years ago so the One Percent can have another piddly couple dollars on their bottom lines thereby disrupting the World Economy.   Where I can, I buy "Made in USA".

The food supply in the US is fairly well controlled.  Items coming in from outside of the country must be labelled with place of origin.  Things that are dangerous in the Human food supply are generally not allowed.   Other than sugar and sodas that is.  Then we dance on the head of a pin and call the item "Generally Accepted as Safe" pronounced "Grass".

That is because there's a really basic concept here called "Warranty of Merchantability" or "Fitness of Purpose".   That means that if the store sells something as being food - you have to be able to eat it and derive some nourishment from it and not get sick from it.   It's "Fit for the Purpose".

Unfortunately there is a lot of cheap Chinese food that should rightly be called at best questionable, at worst what it is - Poison.

Just like I look for the "Union Label" or "Made in USA", or for that matter Canada or Mexico or some other reputable nation as a mark of quality, I look to avoid "Made in China" because I never know if I am going to get something that will fall apart or poison me. 

Best to look at anything Made in China with a Jaundiced Eye.

So next time you are grabbing that treat for you or your dog or cat, take a good hard look at the item.  If it says "Use as Treat Only" and Made in China... grab something else.

There's a whole host of petitions out there speaking to this issue.   The one I was sent, I got right after getting back from a shopping trip to find some treats to use for my own dog.  I have to feed her about 1/2 of her diet in those treats to keep the protein level down so she'll live until tomorrow.  I Don't want to make sure tomorrow will be her last day because of some treat that the maker wouldn't eat themselves.

If you wish to read more on this subject, the petition is at this link.  Now that I've been made aware of it you will just have to work around me if I am in the store and shopping because you can be certain I am checking labels for country of origin.

Buy Made In America, it saves your neighbor's job and your dog's life too.

Use Packing Peanuts to Help Freshen The Air

I was sent an article by Diane here in town suggesting that it may be good for my blog.   I read the article, chuckled at its obvious simplicity and helpfulness and realized that she was right.

For years, I have been taking an old cotton sock, pouring cologne onto it and tossing it in the Jeep.  The car's 10 years old, only has 44,000 miles on it and I have no real desire to get a new one.  The problem is that it has picked up that "Old Car Smell" when the weather's right and it's been sitting around closed.  Once a season or so, I get an old sock, pour some liquid cologne that I bought on Duval Street in Key West a while back, and toss the thing into the car under the seat.

Now the Jeep smells like old car and Drakkar Noir.  

The simplicity of the Jeep means I could roll the thing out and remove the carpet, wash it in the machine (if I didn't get caught), and have it smelling "Springtime Fresh".

But that would take too much work.

The idea in the article proved to be pretty straight forward, and this is what I did.

I keep old packing peanuts around for the holidays and shipping things like cookies and candies off to friends and family.  You get them anyway so may as well put them to use!

• Fill the old sock with the packing peanuts.
• Pour an appropriate amount of "Essential Oil", Cologne, or Perfume into the packing peanuts.  I use about a teaspoon.
• Sew or otherwise seal up the top of the sock.
• Toss the thing under the seat of the car.

All done.

The original article suggested pouring the peanuts into jars and leaving them around the house.   I'd say you're probably better off using your vacuum and cleaning the house, but who am I to judge?

Besides, if I were doing this for a scent pot or potpourri, I'd use clean beach sand or something more "crafty".  Add in a few small shells and you have a proper little display that smells nice.

More On the Dog Food Dog Snacks

One of the most difficult things you have when your dog gets old enough that the kidneys are going is to find something that they will eat.  It's called "Chronic Renal Failure" meaning, the Kidneys are Going and it's not going to get Better.

It is a feedback loop. 

I'm thinking about my own girl Lettie here, and how she is reacting to things.  She's following the path pretty much per the book.

Today, there's a food that she will like.  It's her best friend.  Yum, think Premium Chocolate draped over the most wonderful pastry you've ever had.

Tomorrow she's feeling awful and won't go near it and in fact instead of biting it, she bites your hand.

That feedback loop thing is what you're seeing.  What is happening is that yesterday she ate too much of a good thing and today she's feeling awful.   You, the not completely all knowing human, thinks "Ahh!  yesterday she loved this, I'll feed more!" and reaches back into the jar for "more". 

The nonspeaking older dog with bad kidneys, thyroid problems, arthritis, and questionable hearing looks at the offered food and thinks "I feel like crap, go away" and walks into the back room.  You get frustrated and try again.

Don't.

Eventually that casual relationship gets burned in like that CD you made for the car.   You know, your special mix tape for the old Toyota because the car doesn't have a USB port.

Casual relationship becomes truth and carved in stone because there's imperfect conversation going on.

Now you can't feed her "that" any more.

The very "Special Renal Diet" foods that are the best for her are the ones that she hates because to all dogs they taste horrendous.

Good luck with that.

The trick is to feed small portions of each food, one ounce or less at a time, and switch foods each time.  That way she gets confused as to why she's feeling off and will eat later.

Kind of like "NO! Mom NO Broccoli!" from a 2 year old.   That same 2 year old comes back a couple years later and discovers that stir fried broccoli is a wonderful thing and looks forward to the trip to the Chinese restaurant just so they can have some of that weird tree like vegetable.

Ok, so that was my own experience and it really was asparagus which I now love even if I can't cook it right.

Yesterday, that terrible tasting dog food that I used to make snacks was completely devoured.  I mean she was begging all day for some of the stuff.   When I originally opened the can she literally ran from the room.   Almost tail between the legs yipe-yipe-yipe time...

So read on and see if that recipe works for you.  All I know is that when I warm up the oven to make my bread next time, I'll be cooking some more dog food on a separate cookie sheet for her later.

Sliced 1/4 inch or less thin and cooked at least to Jerky texture.  Just the way she likes it.

Good luck people with older dogs and cats, I hope this helps.   If it doesn't, realize that your pet is giving you a course in Dog Psychology.   Become the Dog Whisperer because that's what they need.

Dog Snacks from Dog Food - Recipe

When you've got an older dog, things change.  My own Lettie got to the point where she simply stopped eating the same food she lived 10 years on and we had to change.   She was diagnosed with Chronic Renal Failure, which you can only treat in dogs with lots of changes to their diet.

Mainly, you need to reduce the amount of protein, phosphorous, and potassium in their food as well as increasing the water. 

There are special diets but dogs generally hate those. 

So what do you do?

I've switched from regular dog food to a combination of "Lettie's Burgers" and treats.  The burgers have added bread crumbs in them to reduce the protein, and the treats are all low protein treats of 12% protein or less.  Normal Dog Food is around 26%, 70% Lean Ground Beef when cooked is about 18%.

The problem is that those treats are expensive and probably not the best for your dog.   The solution is an interesting one.

Those same cans of Renal Diet food that she hates when scooped out into a bowl can be made into a treat, as well as any wet dog food with a paste consistency.  

Simply slice thin, about the thickness of a tortilla chip but under 1/4 of an inch, and bake in the oven.  350F for 30 to 45 minutes depending on thickness until crispy.  Store the resulting Dog Food Jerky in the refrigerator and use within a week.

That of course depends on whether your dog likes chewy or crispy treats.   My own experience last night was that 40 minutes at 1/4 inch thickness gave a chewy treat.   1/4 inch is about 1/2 the width of your smallest fingernail, your pinky - very roughly.

The proof was in the pudding though, the very thinnest crispy pieces that were like a potato chip, Lettie devoured.   The thicker ones were like a Jerky that she ate slower, and the thickest ones she wouldn't consider eating. 

That's my own dog, your dog will have their own preferences.   I'm sure if you have an older dog you know them by now.

This morning, I had a pickle jar full of little roughly triangular pieces of Dog Food Jerky and she ate about 1/3 of it so I call this recipe a success.  The one can made a "full" pickle jar. 

If you have dry dog food that you can't get your dog to eat, try pulverizing it in a blender and then adding back water until you get this same paste consistency.  Then you can always try feeding it directly or baking it until done. 

Again, remember that thin is best!

Curing Bamboo In The Oven

The conversation went like this:

Why is there a block of wood in the oven?
It's not wood.
What is it?
It's bamboo.
Ok, so why is there a block of bamboo in the oven?
I'm curing it.
Was it sick?
No, but it was green.
Green?
Yes, fresh cut, full of water.
Is that a problem?
Yes, if you work with green bamboo it will crack.
Oh, that is a problem.
So how long are you going to tie up the oven?
Until noon, I'm going to make some Quesadillas and I'll need the oven then.
You are going to take that block out aren't you?
Oh yes.
How does it smell?
Like England, Green and Pleasant.
OK, you've been watching BBC America again haven't you?
Of course...

And on.

What happened was that last week on Tuesday our neighborhood had Bulk Trash.  It's one day a month when the most magical of all trash days happens.  Our neighbors toss out all the big stuff that won't fit in the big blue bins.  Later when everyone is away, the Magic of the Trash Claw happens and it all disappears.

Ooooh...

A Big open truck with a giant claw on an articulated arm comes and grabs the giant piles and puts then in the hopper.  Then, it moves on down the road to the next pile and so on.  Really quite fascinating to watch and some of those folks on the truck are quite amazing.

Here in Subtropical South Florida, we have to keep after our yards.  If you blink, a day after a rain storm, you actually see growth.  Since it is tropical, we can grow all sorts of things that "regular" places can't like Orange Trees, Mangoes, Lemons, and Bamboo.   Bamboo can be quite pretty, as Chinese and Japanese art would evidence, and the dancing of the leaves on the breezes can be rather poetic.

However it is quite prolific and will easily take over your yard if you don't get out a machete and hack it down.

The neighbor had a pile that was 4 feet tall and 8 feet square full of bamboo cuttings.   Some of the bamboo was as thick as my wrist.   Being someone who is always looking at things and applying them to some new and intriguing uses, we grabbed two 6 foot long sections of some of that "construction grade" bamboo for later use.  

But you just can't work with it until it cures because it will warp, crack, and be subject to insect damage. 

So the recipe as best I could figure was simple.

Cut your bamboo down to "workable lengths" that will fit in your oven.
Heat oven to just above boiling, 105C or 220F.
Place the bamboo on the rack so that air can get to all of the bamboo.
Every hour, rotate the bamboo to avoid spotting or warping.
After 4 hours (or more) you can remove the bamboo.

There, aren't you happy you learned this?  After all, what else are you going to do with scrap bamboo from the neighbor's yard, build something?

Yes, until I run out of the stuff.  Then I will wait for the next Bulk Trash Day and ...

A List of Things To Be Thankful For - Humor

Here in town, Father John Joseph Reid who runs New Divine Mercy Church is known to be quite helpful and has a good sense of humor.   In the case of this posting he sent me, he's helping me with this post and I am thankful for that sense of humor.

If you're a bit confused, feel free to read on!


As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY!