The old monk
There was a old monk who worked at a ancient bell tower and every day at noon he would ring the giant bell using his head.
One day he slipped and fell down the bell tower to his death.
When two men arrived at the scene the one asked the other "Who is this dead man ?" and the other replied "I'm not sure but his face rings a bell.".
Stop celebrating your birthday.
All your doing is taking credit for someone else's hard work.
Your mother did all the work that's why they called it labor.
If you must celebrate the day call it what it truly is:
The anniversary of your very first eviction.
And finally, at the bar...
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And that's the last thing I remember.