I was feeling depressed, and life wasn't going so well, when walking down the street I passed the church.
It had been many years since I went to church, and just as long since I last went to the confessional.
Perhaps, I thought, getting right with god would help fix my life.
I went into the church, and the dim light and smell of incense brought it all back.
I headed for the confession booth and went straight in.
Wow, things had changed in all those years.
There was a comfy chair, a small screen TV, the WiFi password.
Then I opened the cupboard and inside was a bottle of fine malt scotch, and some cigars!
Suddenly the door opened and the priest appeared, and he said sharply "get out! your on my side!"
Or maybe that guy is confessing because....
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."