Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Even More Jokes from Velma

Ok, so I split up the one joke email in two parts.   If anyone else has one that might be fun, let me know but this one is from Velma...

The Best Way To Pray
    A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
    "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
    "No," said the minister.  "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
    "You're both wrong," the guru said.  "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
    The repairman could contain himself no longer.
         "Hey, fellas," he interrupted.  "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

The Twenty and the One
   A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation...

   The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.  "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean "

   "Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

   "So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"

   The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church , the  Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church ."

       The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

Goat for Dinner
    The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
         "Goat," the little boy replied.
         "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
         "Yep," said the youngster
         "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have that old goat for dinner."

Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.

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