Saturday, December 31, 2011


Velma sent this one to me this week and I liked it so much after reading it, I thought it was a great way to end out the year.   After all, who doesn't like watching someone else get confused?


Everyone should start carrying $2 bills!  I am STILL laughing!!   I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public.  The younger generation doesn't even know they exist.


On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat.  In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill.   I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and  not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for  trying to break a $50 bill.

Me:   'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to  go.'
Server:    'That'll  be $1.04.  Eat in?'
Me:   'No, it's to go.'  At this point, I open my  billfold and hand him the $2 bill.  He looks at it kind  of funny.
Server:  'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.' 

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.  The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server:  'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'
Manager:  'No.  A what?'
Server:  'A $2 bill.  This guy just gave it to me...' 
Manager:  'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'
Server: 'Yeah, thought so.  'He comes back to me and says, 'We don't  take these.  Do you have anything else?'
Me:   'Just this fifty.  You don't take $2 bills?   Why?'
Server:  'I  don't know.' 
Me:   'See here where it says legal tender?' 
Server:  'Yeah.' 
Me:   'So, why won't you take it?'
Server:  'Well, hang on a sec.'

He goes back to his manager, who has  been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He  says I have to take it.'

Manager:  'Doesn't he have anything else?'
Server:  'Yeah, a fifty.  I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change.
Manager:  'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.' 
Server:   'What should I do?'
Manager:  'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.' 
Server:   'I can't tell him that!  You tell him.' 
Manager:  'Just  tell him.'
Server:  'No way!  This is weird.  I'm going in back. 

The manager approaches me and says, 'I'm sorry, but, we don't take big bills this time of  night.' 
Me:   'It's only seven o'clock!  Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'
Manager:  'We  don't take those, either.'
Me:   'Why not?'
Manager: 'I  think you know why.' 
Me:  'No  really, tell me why.'
Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
Me:   'Excuse me?'
Manager:  'Please  leave before I call mall security.' 
Me: 'What on earth for?'
Manager:  'Please,  sir.'
Me:   'Uh, go ahead, call them.'
Manager:   'Would you please just leave?'
Me:    'No.'
Manager:   'Fine  -- have it your way then.'
Me:   'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?'

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner.  I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just  for effect.  A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in. 

Guard:   'Yeah, Mike, what's up?'
Manager (whispering):  'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.' 
Guard:   'No kidding! What?'
Manager:  'Get this.  A two dollar bill.' 
Guard  (incredulous):  'Why would a guy fake a two dollar  bill?' 
Manager:  'I  don't know.  He's kinda weird.  He says the only  other thing he has is a fifty.'
Guard:   'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'
Manager:   'No,  the two dollar bill is.'
Guard:   'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?' 
Manager:   'I don't know!  Can you talk to him, and get him out of  here?' 
Guard:   'Yeah.'

Security Guard walks over to me  and......

Guard: 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're  trying to use.' 
Me:    'Uh, no.'
Guard:   'Lemme see 'em.'
Me:   'Why?'
Guard:   'Do you want me to get the cops in here?'

At this point I am ready to say, ' Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say, 'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him.   He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this  bill?'

Manager: 'It's  fake.' 
Guard:   'It doesn't look fake to me.'

Manager:  'But it's a two dollar bill.'
Guard:   'Yeah? '
Manager:  'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot.  So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.  It made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see  what happens when I try to buy stuff. 

Just think... those two will be voting soon!!?!


Too late, we already have a nation full of  them

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