I started the alcohol diet. It’s great. I managed to lose 3 days last week.

 Ya know... I probably should have saved that one liner for next wednesday.  It would go best with New Years Day but hey that's where we are today I guess!

I may as well follow it up with these!





Max walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender: You're in early Max, what's the story?

Max: I'm celebrating a six month effort to complete a jigsaw puzzle.
Bartender: Six months? Is that good?

Max: Well it said 8-10 years on the box.
Em         



Did you hear about the truck transporting steaks that got into a wreck? Some car T-Boned it.


Got mugged outside the local shop last night and was repeatedly hit over the head with a flute, a double bass, and a violin…
The police are convinced it was an orchestrated attack.


Waiter: I see your glass is empty, would you like another one?
Dad: Why would I want two empty glasses?