Why You Want Ceramic Bearings In Your Inline Skates

 

I used to work with someone who decided to mess with my head.  He said "Why are you still skating, nobody does that any more?". 

I responded with "When is the last time you could see your toes without a mirror?".

I know.  Catty.  But hey, never compare your 100th session with someone else's first.

The thing is that I still skate.   I still measure the distance in fractions of Marathons.  It is August and I have not stopped.  Resting heart rate is 48.  I think that guy is still casting a large shadow at noon.

Jus' Sayin'.  Trails are filling up with skaters again.  This is the second "rebirth" of inline skating.  It isn't like in the 90s but you can find friendly faces out there again.

And that is the point.  I do it because I like to.  I do it because the beta endorphins are a great rush.  I do it because I have a distance goal of "Once Around The World At The Equator" and I am within 250 miles.

I skate once a week, bike twice a week.  Skating is 1.5 times more calories burned than Biking at my level.  1500 calories per hour.  I'll drop it when I'm "old" and I'm not there yet.

There are a few things that I picked up over the years.  You don't skate 24659 miles without learning a few things about a sport.

I am endurance, not speed, not tricks.  I go to log miles, as you might have gathered.  I pick a pace and "just go". 

August in Florida is hot, it was hotter in my native Philadelphia last week.  I found that taking a break every 45 minutes is a requirement, not "nice".

I bring a LOT of water.  My home park has lots of water stops, as did the park in Philly.  I time my breaks to be near water.  Getting through the heat in August wherever you are (February in the upside down world of the southern hemisphere) is helped by this strategy.

Stop, dump water on your head and clothes.  Don't get the bearings wet for the love of the skating gods.  But definitely do the water dump.  "Room temp" will feel nice and cool.  Ice water will send a chill up your spine.  Then dump a similar amount down your waiting gullet and enjoy.  I also bake brownies for my water stop since I'm stopping very close to an hour and it burns up your blood sugar.  Once you get going that water will evaporate and you will get about a half hour at "your pace" of being cool.  Trust this "Senior Skater" on this one, you will like the feeling of the breeze on your head and chest.

Second thing to mention is Bearings.  If you are still on your original bearings consider an upgrade.  I am in a wet climate.  I got very tired of having to tear down bearings every week, even up North.  That is about 100 miles in my old pace of 4x25 miles on the trails.

Hybrid Ceramic is a big improvement and they cost online about $25 a set.  You still have to keep them dry but they are a little better at rolling resistance than a steel bearing.

I know some out there say ABEC 7 or Bones Swiss but I disagree.  I have two containers of formerly useful bearings that were ABEC 5 and better.  ABEC is just a measure of precision of the bearings within the race in the bearing themselves, not a durability rating.   Once you hit the dust or wet on the trails, they will rust up and are no longer smooth. 

Hybrid are only good as long as they are maintained.  Degreased, Dried, Reoiled after a session.  

A much better solution is the more expensive Ceramic bearings.   A set of Full Ceramic bearings cost me about $70.  With the orange menace adding tariffs and taxes on anything he does not understand, I am sure they have gone up.

But do consider them.  Add a cheap Ultrasonic Cleaner to the purchase price at around $35-50.

Why?  They are made of a ceramic mixture like your coffee mug.  They are designed to never need lube.  Lube will pick up dust and corrupt your shiny white or black ceramic bearings.  Care is simple - Put them in the ultrasonic cleaner with water and a drop of dishwashing soap and let it run through a cycle.  When through dry them out with a hairdryer and reinstall.

The difference is a roll test or spin test.

You take a pair of skates and flip them over.  Run your hands, quickly, over the wheels to get them to spin.  Watch your clock to see how long the wheels spin.  My rule is 1 minute spin on steel bearings.  2 minutes on Hybrid is a good number although I see regularly upwards of 2 minutes 30 seconds. 

I have seen one wheel spin 5 minutes on ceramic bearings.  I shoot for 3 minutes 30.  I tend to get bored when I do a spin test.

Anything less than those numbers and into the ultrasonic they go.

Steel gets lube.  I'm not sure of the Hybrid but since they feel a little oily, I would tend to put more lube back.

Lube for me is "Tri Flow" oil.  It has Teflon in it, and it is a light machine oil.  I have been using it for the majority of my 24700 miles.

Ceramic Bearings do not get oiled.

Let me repeat that.

Ceramic Bearings do not get oiled.

You dry them off as much as possible, and put them back into the wheels.   My own ceramics are open bearings, unshielded.  The Steel and Hybrid are both shielded and I have stuck myself many times with the push pin to get the C Clamp off the individual sides of the bearings.

Steel Bearings have gotten so cheap that there are many out there that just get a new set rather than refurbish a set of steel bearings and take the hours of time to do it right.

Spin test them.  You will never get a set of steel bearings to spin the 2:30 of a hybrid let along the 3-5 minutes of a ceramic.

Ceramic bearings are smooth.  It makes for a much better feel on the trails.  More like you are on Ice than on asphalt.  More of what you are putting onto the trail gets converted to speed so this is not for someone who is just "taking up skating".  As an upgrade, I can't think of a nicer one other than perhaps a harder or larger wheel.

Both of my pairs of skates are hard wheels.  88A durometer.  My small set of 80 mm wheels are pure urethane - creamy colored plastic.  The 100 mm big wheels are probably polyurethane but they are 88A. 

Softer wheels will give you more grip but will wear out faster.  They are also stealing your momentum.   Higher durometer wheels will last longer, roll further.  You choose. 

I chose hard wheels.  A long time ago, that is.

I've been at this so long that the terminology has changed.  The "Frame" or "Skate Frame" where the wheels are bolted in was called a "Truck" from the old quad skate designation.  I still slip and call the Frame a Truck from time to time.

But I prefer a long frame, and I have a pair of Rollerblade Twisters from 2023 (I think) that I installed a set of 4x100mm wheels on that look like a demented set of skis.  They have the feel of riding on a rail because of the length of the frame but I don't do tricks.  If you do, you will want to get a custom shorter frame.

For me, and my distance, I'll stick with the longer frame.

(Or Truck)  Long frame on a big heavy boot is a heavy skate, a beast of a skate.

But definitely, if you can find them at a good price, get the ceramics.   You will appreciate the smoothness.

Better to roll than to talk about it.  Find yourself some trainer's tape and tape up the hot spots.  Then get out there and enjoy a workout, I know I will!

I have an economics joke, but it is not in demand.

 Economics is fascinating.  The Dismal Science they call it but it explains a lot of things.  Just keep that in mind.  If you think things are wrong, they probably are.




 A man & his wife are flying...

A man & his wife are flying in a 4-engine jumbo jet to vacation in the Bahamas. Soon after they depart the captain comes on the intercom and says "Good day ladies & gentlemen, we have a great flight for you today. We should be arriving to our destination in about 2 hours". The man & wife settle comfortably into their seat.

About 30 minutes later, there's a loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane starts to shake a little. The captain comes on the intercom and says "Nothing to worry about folks, we just lost one of our engines, but it's okay. We have 3 more. We should now be arriving to our destination in about 3 hours." The wife looks around nervously and her husband appears angry saying "oh, great..."

About 30 minutes later, there's another loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane start shaking a bit more. The captain comes on the intercom and says "Nothing to worry about folks, we just lost another of our engines, but it's okay. We should now be arriving to our destination in about 4 hours." The wife grips her husband's hand tightly even more nervous while her husband gets even more agitated saying "Are you kidding me?!"

About 30 minutes later, there's another loud "KURCHUNK" and the plane shakes around more violently. The captain comes on the intercom considerably more nervous this time and says "Uh, nothing to worry about folks, we just lost our 3rd engine, but uh it's okay. We should be uh arriving to our destination in about um 5 hours." The wife is frantic and starts crying. Her husband jumps out of his seat and yells out "OH, COME ON!"

The wife looks sharply at her husband and asks, "What's wrong with you?! Why are you so angry?". He looks at her and says "I want to get to my vacation. If we lose that last engine, we're going to be up here all day!"

Age is not a number. It is clearly a word.

I really can commiserate with Paddy here.  I was outside playing sprinkler tech before the heat went from onerous to punishing, and there's always something to do with this house of cards!



 
Paddy is known to be a hard working lumberjack. He fells one hundred trees a day all with his axe.

Watching him cut a swathe through the trees one day the foreman tells him, "Paddy, you're a wild man with that axe, but it's time to modernise. You should go get yourself a nice chainsaw. You'll triple your work easily and it'll be easier on the body."

Paddy thinks about it s few days before deciding to take the advice. He heads into town to the hardware store and buys himself a new chainsaw.

The next day he only manages to fell eighty trees. "Well, that's to be expected," he thinks. "I'm still getting used to it."

The day after he's only managed fifty trees. Paddy decides to tough it out until he gets the hang of it. The third day, only thirty.

That's the end of that then. Paddy takes the chainsaw back to the store and complains that its not working.

"That's odd," the salesman says. "Let me have a look then." He takes the chainsaw, pulls the start cord, and it roars to life.

"Holy fooken shite!" Paddy shouts. "What the hell is that noise?!"

I haven't bought a new cell phone since day one, but a New To Me phone needs a parallel test.

I'm fine with having somewhat old, or at least "older" electronics.

My long time friends might be surprised about that.  At one point I had to have the newest items.

I came to the realization that these things are tools.  I simply need them to "just work".

I am fortunate that I have a ready supply of these "older" electronics come through my sticky little fingers.

I am using 5 year old laptops running Debian Linux and they just work.  As in Super Fast.

I giggle at the people standing in a line at the gadget stores before dawn.  Sure, that's a bit rude but... come on.  It is manufactured demand.  Perhaps "manufacturing demand" might be the point.

I am using a phone that is 4 versions old right now.  I hate the thing because the Apple Walled Garden concept is faulty.  At least it is faulty to me.

I resent being told that I must back my phone up, and pay them for the privilege because they are giving me a "generous" 5GB of space, while the phone has 128GB on it.  Let me back the damn thing up to my own computers, or somewhere else, and step the hell off.

Every time I try to get something off the phone, I have to start a third party program to get my photos off the thing.  It is a computer.  If I plug it into another computer, it should come up reliably as a drive.  It does not every time, and it gets confused.

Anti-Apple rant aside, the newer versions are evolutionary and not revolutionary.

Slightly better camera, slightly better speakers, slightly more spyware I assume. 

I don't trust them.

More important I use the thing for a few very important, to me, items.

Photography.  Most of the pictures on this blog are taken by me, for my own entertainment.  Occasionally I'll grab something from elsewhere.  I try to remember to attribute the original person but I do forget.  Those pictures get big fast.  I have to get the third party software started, bring them into a browser, cut, paste, annotate them with a title and my URL and post them.  The camera does get better, but it tends to be a few steps behind the state of the art for the time the phone was put out.

Athletics.  Once upon a time, I was "Picked Last" for sports.  I was kid who had no clue about "ball sports".  I still am not good at those.  Doesn't matter, I had a resting heart rate of 50 yesterday and I regularly bicycle and inline skate at a heart rate above my theoretical maximum for my age.  My personal motto is "Lead, Follow, or Get Out Of The Way".  I will help you along, and give you information on nutrition and training to get to my level.  For my age bracket, I am in the 99% percentile for inline skating - my goal is 25,000 miles in my career and at 24645 miles, I am very close.  Once around the world on Inline Skates.

So I monitor my heart rate, distance, and speed.  Assertively.  The phone does help.  In order for it to help I measure out the trail on the phone via GPS.  It tells me the trail is 4.5 miles.  I verify that aggressively via mapping software and obsessively measure that out.

Entertainment.  Music.  I have a data plan that lets me listen to international music for unlimited time.  I am also using it to watch video internationally in two languages.  News as well.  I see nothing wrong with walking the dog an hour and a half before dawn listening to the CBC for news bulletins and switching to BBC for in depth coverage.

When I was given a New To Me phone, it was because my old one had a battery in it that was wearing out.  I could have had the battery replaced, but the New To Me phone had a brand spanking new battery with "96% health".  More importantly it is slightly larger and a number of generations newer.  Faster processor, although frankly, I did not notice that.  Once upon a time I had an android phone that I could snap the battery in and out, and repaired the daylights out of it.  Tech is not getting better, it's getting more annoying to maintain.

I am in the process of migrating onto that phone.  It means I have to proofread the thing and make sure that everything I depend on works.

I listened to my preferred music which is surprisingly diverse.  Classical, Classic Disco, Happy Hardcore, and EDM as well as Norteño from Mexico, and news outlets in 5 different countries.  I could do that from my chair, and did.

Then I had to workout "in parallel".  I had once been given a New To Me phone that had a bad GPS.  It told me that the 2 mile walk I had with the dog was actually 1.9 miles, roughly.  I knew better.  But I also knew that phone was damaged. 

Tuesday I had a workout on the bike.  Along with the GPS enabled sport watch, the GPS enabled bike computer, and the GPS enabled phone, I had the second phone with me telling me where I was in a woman's voice to let me know it wasn't the main phone which was in a man's voice.

The differences were .01 mile over a basis of 27.18 miles.  52 feet or less than the distance across the front of the house, and I can live with that.

Good workout Tuesday as well, but I won't strain my shoulder patting myself on the back.

So the New To Me phone seems to pass the athletics test.  The only thing I need to do is try a different sport and see how the walk is with Mr Dog. 

Some folks are less demanding, they just slide it out of the box, charge it up, and shrug because it works.  Me... nothing is simple.

Mind you, yesterday?  I was taking my old daily driver laptop with a bad USB C power port apart.  I used the monitor to repair a laptop that was dropped and shattered the screen, the hard drive was swapped, and it was tested to be completely functional. 

Yes, Ramblingmoose runs on old stuff. 

Now! Let me tell you about my 23 year old car!

I have a facebook joke, but it is not true.

Listening to a program(me) about security on CBC Radio One this morning before dawn.  The presenter mentions that she was getting ads on her phone about the topic of secured email hosting.  She was researching the topic and discussing it aloud with colleagues.

I'm reminded why I do not use apps where possible.  I don't like ads, especially where ads are being generated because your app has been listening into you.

Revoke access to the microphone in any app you can.  This is one way that they do it, this is not in your benefit.


On the other hand, when I was a programmer, I was known as the Programmer Of Record in two different very large organizations.   If you had a problem you could not figure out, they would get me involved and I'd solve it.  Friday afternoons, we'd hit a "Tavern" in Philadelphia.  I'd have a Roast Pork Sandwich and a glass of Stout.  Roast pork in Philadelphia is particularly excellent. 

But I'd return to the office, ready to solve your problems.  It was well known.




Once there was a regional darts champion, who found that his darts flew with even greater accuracy after he’d had a drink or two.

Unfortunately, all of his local mates quickly learned to never wager against him, especially if he had been drinking.

One night, he arrived at the pub to find a stranger standing on a bench issuing a challenge. “I reckon I can beat any one of y’all in a game of darts, and I’ll put up the money to prove it,“ she said. “I’m fixin’ to wager $1,000 on a simple game of darts. Three throws, and if ANY of your throws beat a single one of mine, you win the whole pot.“

The crowd murmured, and all eyes turned to the dart champion. “OK, stranger. I’ll take that bet…but let’s make it $10,000.”

“Sound good,” she said, “but I have one condition: each one of us takes a drink before we play, and we each choose the other’s drink.”

The dart champion’s face lit up, as he couldn’t believe his luck. “Fine by me, stranger. You’ll have bourbon whiskey, a double.”

“And you’ll have absinthe, a single shot,” she replied. The bartender served them up, each downed their drinks, and the game was on. She was the first to throw, scoring a double eight. He smirked, believing that with a throw as mediocre as that one, she had already lost the game. Aiming at the bullseye, he let his dart fly, and was shocked when it hit the numbered ring on the outside perimeter of the board, scoring zero points.

Next, she threw a triple two, and his throw went wide, the dart impaling the the wood panel the dartboard hung on. He was aghast; it was the first time that he had missed the dartboard in years.

On her third and final throw, she threw a double five. Concentrating all of his focus, he aimed at the exact center of the board, and was shocked when the dart missed both the board and its wood panel and lodged itself on the bathroom door, barely missing the head of an exiting patron. She smiled. “Good effort, friend! Thanks for playing!”

As he wrote her a check for the full $10,000, he stammered, “I just don’t understand what happened. I’m the regional darts champion, and a drink or two always improves my aim.”

She gave him a wink and replied, “I reckon you learned a valuable lesson today: Absinthe makes the dart go yonder.”

I have a civil engineering joke, but it is still under construction.

Being 6'4" I just smile and nod and say "Everything is proportional.".  I, of course, do not say what I am referring to but hey, you get what you pay for.



  A man and a woman were out on a first date together.

Everything was going great and they were getting along really well, when out of nowhere the woman commented on the size of the man’s hands and feet. "I didn't notice earlier, but you have remarkably small hands and feet!"

The man taken aback by such an unexpected observation thought quickly and replied somewhat flirtatiously, "Well, it’s because my testosterone focused on other parts of my body, if you know what I mean..." giving the woman a cheeky wink as he finished speaking.

The woman, rather impressed and turned on by his smooth response slides across closer to the man and puts her hand on his thigh, at which point the guy continued, "Yeah, I have a really hairy back."




If that was not suggestive enough, here's more!



As I slid my finger inside her damp hole, I could immediately feel her getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger out and she started going down on me.

That’s when I said to myself, “I think it’s time to get a new boat."

Mrs Monarch Butterfly Takes Her First Flight

This is a case of if you annoy someone enough, you may just get some truly fascinating pictures.

I have enjoyed watching Monarch Butterflies since I was a wee brat.  Literally all my life.

They were the beautiful jewels of summer when I was growing up on the Prairies of New Jersey.  You never saw many of them, and when you did they were always special.

I did take some time to read up on them, and their life cycle is well known.  The butterfly is one of a few stages.  Egg, Caterpillar, Pupa, Butterfly. 

I had a thing for growing flowers, specifically Zinnia.  They would grow freely in our yard so it was a matter of tossing a few seeds and keeping the soil moist.  You would be graced by a bloom in time. 

The butterflies would eventually arrive from the South on their trip Northward.  Have a meal at my Zinnia buffet, perhaps lay a few eggs elsewhere and disappear.  There would be more coming from the North later on in the season, heading Southward.

When I moved to Florida, I found that there is a permanent population endemic here.  People enjoyed seeing them, so they would plant things in their gardens to help them along. 

I am, of course, one of those people.

Zinnia seeds in hand, along with the Bougainvillea that helped sell this house to us, I made sure that there were plenty of things here for the little visitors to have.

Bright idea!  I would grow milkweed and watch them progress through their life cycles from egg through emergence from their pupa and fly off.

Except, there's a problem.  Since Milkweed is not exactly plentiful in the curated gardens of South Florida, when they found it, the butterflies would lay eggs.  Dozens of eggs.  That meant dozens of caterpillars.  Usually on one or two plants.  Since they don't have much food, the ones that hatched first would eat the plant and the eggs of the others would not get a chance to either hatch or get any food.

In a week, I was left with toothpicks in the soil where once a planter box had knee high foliage. 

I hatched a plan to build a cage around the planter box so that I would reserve a few plants and hopefully get some flowers and seeds.

That cut back the visits.  The butterflies would bounce off the cage and fly off, frustrated. 

Eventually the milkweed grew to touch the top of the cage and one enterprising Momma Monarch left an egg on the plant, before I could train the plant with some wire to bend it away from the protective cage.

The one egg hatched into a caterpillar, then ate away a plant all on its own.  Formed a jade jewel of a chrysalis, and the butterfly eventually emerged.

That morning I saw her, found a stick and she climbed upon it.  The cage was set aside and I put the stick in the croton growing in the front. 

Excitedly, I got the camera out and snapped off a few pictures.  Then a few more.

She did not like having her portrait taken.  I think that is universal, my dog does not seem to care for it either. 

Launching in air, at that point I thought I was done.  Except when I looked at the photos, I saw one very strange picture.  It was a Monarch butterfly Thorax and a bit of the wing along with the antennae.

I have a picture of the butterfly in flight.  I never expected that.

So it does go to say that if you are annoying enough with a camera, even a paparazzi can get an interesting picture.

I have jokes, but they're not funny.

Ok, maybe not jokes.  Today it's more like a Story.



 A 90 year old man was having his annual check up while his family was standing by in the waiting room.

During the check up, the doctor asked him if he was having any issues with wetting the bed at night.

The man responded, "No doc, no issues at all with that. On the contrary, when I go to the bathroom, a fairy or something turns the light on when I open the door. And after I finish going to the bathroom, the fairy or something turns the light off for me. It's really wonderful!"

The doctor looked concerned and scribbled some notes about this and continued on with the check up.

After the check up, the doctor went out to the waiting room where one of the man's family members asked him how the check up went.

The doctor responded, "Well Ma'am, his check up went OK. Physically, he's as healthy as can be for a 90 year old. But mentally, I'm worried he's coming down with dementia or something."

The lady, with a concerned look on her face asks, "Why do you say that?"

The doctor responded and said, "Well, during the check up, he told me that when he goes to the restroom at night, a fairy or something turns on the light when he opens the door and that same fairy or something turns off the light for him when he finishes. I'm just a little concerned about his mental health."

The lady with a horrified look turns to the rest of the family and says, "Oh no, Grandpa's been peeing in the fridge again!"

What do you call two diamonds out to dinner? Carbon dating.

Ok I guess this sort of thing is universal.  Just get your steps in!


 

Alex, Brian, Charles are best friends since they were kids, work together under the same company.

They got sent to the neighboring country to negotiate an offer. They slept that night at a random hotel.

The next thing they realized in the morning was the elevator are typically not working as the electricity got turned off. The hotel they are staying has 90 floors.

The fellas didn't have a choice and decided to use their feet to start walking down the stairs.

Alex suggested a brilliant idea to the other two. "The first 30 floors, I will be telling a funny story. Brian will be telling a scary story for another 30 floors. Charles will be telling the saddest story.

Alex started telling the funniest story for the first 30 floors. Brian took turn talking the scariest stories for the another 30 floors.

When it is finally the turn for the Charles, he proudly started telling his saddest.

Charles:

3 people went into a hotel that has 90 floors, the hotel's electricity got cut off but they have to got to work, they used stairs

Alex: Wait, isn't that..?

Brian: Nah, let him finish

Charles: so they finally manged to land their feet on 1st floor, and one of the three forgot the car keys on the tables.

Wildlife in Urban South Florida is More Common Than You Might Expect.

Living in South Florida, you live closer to wildlife than you do in many places.  I have explained this to many a good friend from more urban cities up North.

I regularly "shoo" ducks off the property.

There are foxes and coyotes in the area.  While I have never heard a 'yote howl, I have heard from the local notables, to expect them.

I have seen Raccoons and Opossums on my back porch.  The "Lanai" seems to be a highway for critters. 

Those two we leave alone.  They are beneficial even if they do soil the pool backsplash more often than I prefer.  One Opossum did not like me on the back porch one day.  I spoke to it in my best Steve Irwin impression "Go on, mate, you'll be right, go find your way!".  She did and I went on about my business turning on the irrigation.  After all, Opossums are beneficial and will eat the ticks if they find them.

We've got literal flocks of cherry headed amazon parrots here.  I heard they are native to Puerto Rico and are getting rare there.  But the green gems are here and I talk to them on the walks.

Speaking of flocks, there isn't a day I get to see a Monarch Butterfly.  It's because we refuse to spray the lawn for bugs, and I have planters with Milkweed all over the property.   Including the one on the front porch that I have a cage built over them.   I want the seeds.

Did Someone Loose A Rooster?  Because the neighborhood has been adopted by one, magnificent in black with a red comb.  You know he's there because he is calling frequently before dawn looking for company. 

On my last trip down before we moved here, I took Lettie to a park in Dania Beach.  Great ice cream nearby, if you are coming down keep that in mind.  Also keep this in mind, there are alligators here.  I understand they can be mostly anywhere in the state, and this particular one took an interest in Lettie.

We left.  Immediately.  She survived a number of years longer.  We did look for the monkeys that are supposed to be in the trees there but they didn't want to tangle with the dog or the big ape descendant walking her.

I spotted two species of lizards in the yard just now, plus Green Iguanas.  Oh trust me, I would like to see a cold snap thin these herds.  Herds.  As in Jurassic Park herds of upwards of 5 foot long green beasts with an attitude running to be far from you.  I see them frequently at the park as I am riding past.  "Roaring" at them seems to move them along to bounce off the cyclone fence and into the interior where they can go about their iguana-tastic lives.   Away from me.  Off the trail with you!

Along with the flocks of birds that visit we've got tree frogs.  I'm happy that we don't have the Coqui that are native to Puerto Rico because they are quite loud.  The one I am thinking of is a tree frog that was not happy with me chasing it with a cell phone to get the picture.  It scampered from waist high to about 7 or 8 feet off the ground.

You don't see them during the day as they tend to dry out.  The temps here are not as hot as the big cities up North, but this being Tropics-adjacent, bring your sunscreen.  The tree frogs will taking cover during the day.  Shade only, no direct sunlight.

All of this can be seen on the five or so mile walks that I take during a day.  Forgetting the humans and the domestic animals that come with us, this is quite a crowded little place. 

I have a joke about statistical analysis but it’s mean.

 Sunday Morning.  Sun is just coming up and it is warm.  Time to escape to the park.  I'm Maintaining the Training even through a South Florida Summer today for a session on my inline skates.  My goal is 25,000 miles, I am at 24,619.  Once around the world at the equator is 24,904.

In Metric?  It's a Metric F-Ton of fun.



Ladies, remember the ducks.  If you need one, come on down to South Florida since we have the little monsters all over the place here.





 Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven......

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Nothing Tops A Plain Pizza.

 Well, yeah, nothing does.  Then you go to the fridge and get your favorite toppings.


 Elementary Genius

A female teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class of 3rd grade. The boy said "Ma'am, I should be in 4th grade, I'm smarter than my sis & she's in the 4th grade".

The M'am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complains & took the boy to the Principal's office. She explained everything to the Principal who decided to test the boy with some questions that a 4th grade should know.

    Principal: What's 3+3? Boy: 6

    Principal: 6+6? Boy: 12

& so on..

The Principal asked the boy many questions and the boy got them right. The Principal then asked M'am to send the boy to 4th grade. M'am decided to ask some more questions & the Principal agreed.

    M'am: What does a cow have 4 of,that I've only 2 of? Boy: Legs

    M'am: What's in your pants that u have but I don't have? Boy: Pockets

    M'am: What starts with a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut

    M'am: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge. Boy: Bubble Gum

    M'am: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I? Boy: Tent. The principal was looking restless

    M'am: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me 1st; what am I? Boy: Wedding Ring

    M'am: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good? Boy: Nose

    M'am: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver Boy: Arrow

    M'am: What starts with 'F' & ends with a 'K' & if u don't get it, you've to use your hand? Boy:Fork

    M'am: Whats it that all men have,it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his & a man gives it to his wife after marriage? Boy: Surname

    M'am: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is responsible for making love? Boy: Heart

The principal breathed a sigh of relief & told the teacher "Send the boy to University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!"

Endurance Workout Strategies in Peak Summer are Different than Cooler Weather.

Endurance workouts are a strange beast.

You are out there.  On your own.  Hours pass by.  You finally decide "Ok, I'm done!" and head back home.  Or the trailhead.  Or the car.

You get in your own head space.  Yes, that's a real thing.  Trance like workouts.  You don't feel "the pain" you are inflicting on your body because beta endorphins are a wonderful aspect of all of this.

I have called it "Skate, The Movie" because once I get in the Zone, it is really like watching something on TV. 

You just "do" it.

Yes, I know that's a line from a sneaker ad.  Give me that.

But really you detach and you get to watch things happen as you are burning an awful lot of calories per hour.

1000 calories per hour of cycling, 1500 calories per hour of inline skating for me, personally.  Those numbers come from my own sport watch and are backed up via three separate sport analysis apps.

I do watch what I am doing.  Rather closely.  Always have.  The goal on skates is "once around the world at the equator" of 24,900 miles.  I'm getting close at 24,620.

This is the "Statistically Hottest Month of the Year".  Two weeks before, two weeks after August 7th, the heat is at its highest point.

What does that mean to you or me, an Endurance Athlete?

First, allow yourself flexibility.  If you need to take "a pause", do so.  Remember, you did not get where you are by overdoing it, even if others think you are overdoing it.  I know, confusing, right?

I was out there today.  27.3 miles on the bike.  There are many who do more miles in a workout.  I hold my distance down to what I can do in two hours.  I figure more than that and, in this heat, I am burning more than calories, I am probably burning muscle. 

We get days above 90F/32C, and will until October.  Typical Florida Summer.  65% relative humidity.  It is uncomfortable, but you do adapt.  Trust me, I have.

I have a 4.5 mile route.  7.25 Km.  I do 6 laps to get a marathon.  There's a little wiggle room in the distance.  Measurements are not perfect and we don't expect them to be.  There is always GPS.  Take your phone, load up some tunes, get into the groove, I do.

So instead of only taking one break in the middle of this workout, I pause twice.  Two water stops.  Bring the heart rate down and cool my heels.

That's the second suggestion I have.  Give yourself the option to take extra breaks and hydrate.  I can't say hydrate enough.  Stop and drink as much water as you need.  Then drink more.  You are more like a Steam Engine than you are a gas powered car. 
 

Today in the South Florida Steam Bath, I took an extra break.  I had my water stop, then went back at it.  I know that in the heat, I am less efficient at moving my own bulk, plus my equipment, around that loop.  The second water stop happened because I noticed my speed was dropping.   On my bike I have a lot of monitoring equipment.  Because I like to know what I am doing, I have a trail camera recording video.  The battery only lasts two hours.

That is something to consider.  When you measure your workouts in terms of multiples of hours, your battery may not last.  The camera does not.  The phone does.

Second water stop, I emptied my thermos on my head.  I bring two.  20 ounces of ice water, twice. 

Luckily there is a lot of water available at the park.  Four separate locations.  If you do not have that ability, your workouts will be limited by how much you can cart with you.  Sport bottles or a camelback.  They are a big help, trust me.

After that second stop, at 5 laps of the big park, I noticed my speed dropped down to what I would not consider a good rate.  Since I also monitor my heart rate, I consider it acceptable.  Your body does a good job at maintaining a balance.  If you can monitor your heart rate, you can know whether you are working out at peak.

That peak will vary due to conditions, and vary considerably.

Your maximum heart rate is your age subtracted from 220.  The target HR is 50-80% of that.  As an endurance athlete, I am able to maintain my HR at a peak of the maximum, and I typically workout at 90% of that maximum as an average.  When I tell that to health professionals, they typically are surprised but I have been doing it for years, and I am a "senior".  I do peak higher than that maximum frequently.

Finally fuel.  As in: what do you stuff in your face has a lot to do with how efficient you can convert all this to distance.  I aggressively monitor my diet on workout days and on rest days.  The "Carbo Load" I do before I workout won't take me through a 2-3 hour workout.  I always bring a snack for that first water stop.  Typically that snack is a couple of cookies or a power bar that I have on the bumper of my jeep. 

The quality of the Carbo Load is important.  On a workout breakfast, I try for as low a fat count as possible.  The reason is that I want to avoid Runner's Trots.  Unpleasant need for the rest room NOW because the body is trying to expel the fat you ate earlier.  So don't take it in.  This morning it was oatmeal with fruit and non-fat milk. 

You can have what you feel you need later.  I know I do.  There's a bag of potato chips calling to me from the kitchen.  I must need the salt.  The time to splurge is after the workout.  I did.

It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws.

Short but sweet, and I have to say I like this woman's style!


 
 A Gorgeous Young Woman Is Standing At The Bar Of A Pub

She goes up to the man standing behind the bar and she grabs him by his magnificent and long straggly beard which goes way down past his waist

And she whispers to him in a seductive tone ‘are you the landlord?’

He says ‘no no, sorry, I’m just the barman- the landlord isn’t here just now’

As he answers, she keeps grabbing his beard, stroking it all over; tugging on it gently with every word as she whispers to him ‘do you know when the landlord will be back?’

He says ‘ehhhh no I’m not sure at all sorry’

And as she continues massaging his facial hair she says to him ‘okay… well when you see the landlord…. You can tell him, ….. there’s no paper towels in the ladies bathroom’.

An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.

Memento Mori.  There was a fashion in the old Roman Empire that had a person follow those who were well off.  He merely reminded those people "Memento Mori" or we all die.  Life Condition is Universal, and it is temporary.

Man, that's a lot more dark on a Saturday Morning than I need to be.  So I'm going to go to the kitchen and have a cookie. 

Thanks Lori!



 3 elderly men are in a nursing home talking about their bodily functions

The first man says “ I have so much trouble going number one. It comes out in spits and sputters and takes forever. I would give anything to have a good pee.”

The second man says “With me, it’s number two. I am so backed up. It’s horrible. I really need to take a good crap.”

The third man nods and says “Well for me, it’s all very regular. At 7AM every morning I do number one like a fountain. It comes out perfectly in flowing stream. And number two also happens at the same time, and my bowels empty completely, as smooth as flowing lava.”

The other two men look at each other, confused and ask “That doesn’t sound bad at all. What’s the problem?”

“The problem,” says the third man, “is that I don’t get out of bed until 9:30!”

Hillbilly Pie (Poor Man's Pie) - Direct From All Over The Web To My Kitchen

This recipe is just too simple not to try.  It came to me on Facebook.  However when I researched it, I just got dozens of hits with the same recipe.

How about that, must be good, so lets try it?

Think of this as a "Butter Bomb".  I will make it again but I will cut the butter back, most likely by 1/2.

I had a can of Peach Pie Filling on hand and since I am the only one in the house who likes Peach Pie, I used it.   Excellent!

Verifying the recipe, I also found comments that said that fresh fruit can be used on this in more than one place.

If you want it to be Vegetarian or Vegan, use Margarine and nut milk.  From a dietary standpoint, the Hydrogenation process that turns oil into Marge is not the best for your heart, but you knew that already!


Hillbilly Pie (Poor Man's Pie)
A simple, comforting dessert that’s easy to make and oh-so-delicious. Perfect for when you want a homemade treat with minimal effort!

 Ingredients:

• 1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter
• 1 cup self-rising flour (See Tip at the end if you don't have any)
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup milk
• 1 (12 oz) can fruit pie filling (cherry, apple, peach, or your favorite)

 Instructions:

•  Preheat the Oven: Set your oven to 350°F (175°C). Place the butter in an 8x8-inch casserole dish and let it melt in the oven while preheating.
  
  
•  Mix the Batter: In a mixing bowl, whisk together self-rising flour, sugar, and milk until smooth.
  
  
•  Assemble the Pie:  Remove the casserole dish with the melted butter from the oven. Pour the batter evenly over the butter—do not stir!
  
  
• Add the Filling: Spoon the fruit pie filling evenly over the batter. The filling will sink slightly as it bakes, creating delicious layers.
  
  
•  Bake:  Place the dish back in the oven and bake for 30 minutes, or until the crust is golden brown and cooked through.
  
  
•  Cool and Serve: Let the pie cool slightly before serving. Enjoy warm, either on its own or topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Servings: 6–8
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes

 Tips:
No Self-Rising Flour? Substitute with 1 cup all-purpose flour, 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, and 1/4 teaspoon salt.

Try New Flavors: Experiment with different fruit fillings to find your favorite combo!

Not to egg you on, but rack your noodle and you can do it. There's mushroom for improvement.

 Ya know, a dad joke one liner is an amusing way to start the day.  Right kid?




 The frog and the loan

A talking frog shows up in the offices of a posh downtown Manhattan bank. He proceeds to ask a bank officer for a loan of $1 million.

Patty Whak , the loan officer , said she didn’t understand and he says “well, My name is Kermit and my father is Mick Jagger. We have banked at various branches of this institution several times .”

The loan officer still protested and said for that size of a loan they would need some type of collateral, so Kermit produced a small ceramic elephant and placed it on her desk.

Patty was very confused and excused herself to go speak with the manager carrying the trinket with her . When she relayed the crazy story to her manager, she showed him the small ceramic elephant and said “I don’t know what to do, what even is this?”

The bank manager replied “it’s a knickknack, Patty Whak. Give the frog a loan . His old man is a Rolling Stone. “

I’ll leave now….

I’ve trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine. He’s a Bordeaux collie.

As I sit here on an aging laptop contemplating my navel and how to repair a tiny USB C Port, I'll drop this beast of a story on you. 

For the laptop, I'm leaning towards removing the hard drive and simply mounting it in a new-to-me machine.  Just like the way we used to do things in the 1990s, Linux to the Rescue.



 The Scottish painter

There was a Scottish house painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, buying paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water...

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..

"Repaint! Repaint!* And thin no more!"*

Right Sized Brownies Recipe. Not Too Big, Not Too Small!

205+72+400+126+153 = 956

956 /  8 = 119.5

What that blather is about is a calorie estimate for a "right sized" brownie.

See, I needed a snack, that was between 100 and 200 calories.  I needed something that I would look forward to in the middle of a very intense workout.  I needed it to survive being in a closed Jeep Wrangler sitting in summer heat outside in a park in South Florida summer.

Brownies!

I also wanted a simple recipe.  Got it!  See below.

The realization was that all I needed to do was to cut the recipe into 8 pieces, put the batter into cupcake papers, and bake. 

12 minutes at 350F/175C and test with a toothpick.  That should be early, close the oven and retest in a wee bit.  When it is done, is when that toothpick comes out reasonably clean.  You probably will want to account for different oven "speeds" and adjust your cook time.

And finally, these were good.  I mean Gooooood.  I don't know what the common vegetarian/vegan substitutions are for eggs, so this is "conventional".  Martha Stewart to the rescue - this link suggests Banana/Applesauce/Yogurt at 1/4 cup per egg.

As always with substitutes, Your Mileage May Vary!

For each cupcake paper, use 1/8 of the batter.  In my case, it worked out to be 42 grams or 1.4 ounces.  It's also 3 tablespoons level and measured off the top of my head.

Also, this is a shameless copy of a recipe I put out about a month back.  I used an air fryer to cook it and while it was awesome, this method is more to my needs.

Note:  I measured everything with a gram scale.  I have one and it works well, however typically volumes are used.  Maybe next time, huh?

I followed the recipe below faithfully and got some wonderful treats.  It fell together in about 10 minutes.  Cooked in 15.

They. Were. Excellent!

Ingredients:

• 1/3 cup (42 grams) whole wheat flour or all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup (29 grams) Cocoa Powder (sifted if needed)
• 1/16 teaspoon salt (nobody has one of those, I eyeballed "half" of a 1/8 tsp)
• 1/4 cup plus 2 teaspoons (65 grams) coconut oil or unsalted butter (melted and slightly cooled)
• 1/2 cup (100 grams) granulated sugar or coconut sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 large egg (about 50 grams, out of shell)
• 1/4 cup (43 grams) chocolate chips, plus extra mini chips for the top

How to make them:

1. Prep your pan: Line cupcake pan with 8 cupcake papers.
2. Mix the dry ingredients: In a bowl, combine the flour, cocoa powder, and salt. Set aside.
3. Mix the wet ingredients: In a separate bowl, stir together the melted coconut oil or butter with the sugar and vanilla.
4. Once blended, mix in the egg until just combined.
5. Combine everything: Add the dry mix to the wet bowl a little at a time. Stir gently until almost no flour is visible. Fold in the chocolate chips.
6. Preheat the oven: Set it to 350°F (175°C).
7. Pour and top: Transfer the batter into your prepared pan. Sprinkle mini chocolate chips on top for extra gooeyness.
8. Cook for 12 to 20 minutes. The top should look set with a thin crust.
9. A toothpick in the center will come out a bit wet. The edges should have soft crumbs.
10. Cool before serving: Let them cool completely in the pan. They’ll continue to firm up as they sit.

If you give these a try, let us know how they turn out. They're dangerously easy to make.

No Snowflake Feels Responsible In An Avalanche

I just don't need to be reminded that Restaurants actually Exist.  Just came back from a half marathon (13.24 mi) on my Inline Skates.  Now I need to refuel.






 Sitting in a posh restaurant, a man spots a gorgeous blonde at the next table...

He spends ages checking her out, but doesn't have the nerve to speak to her.

Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes hurtling out of its socket towards him. He reaches out, grabs it in the air and gives it back to her.

"Oh,l am so sorry, the woman says as she pops the eye back in. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a fantastic meal together then go to the theatre, followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest thoughts and he shares his.

After paying for everything, she invites him back to her place. Next morning, she cooks them both a gourmet breakfast.

The man is amazed. You are the perfect woman, he says. Are you this nice to every man you meet?"

"No,' she replies. You just happened to catch my eye."

Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

I have a dear friend who speaks often of Beef Stroganoff.  May she have all the Stroganoff she wants!


 
 My Girlfriend and Uncle Eddie

I called my girlfriend earlier today, but all my calls went straight to voicemail. So, I decided to call her from a coworker’s phone.

When someone picked up, I heard a sweet little voice say, “Hello?”

It was my girlfriend’s daughter.

I said, “Hey, honey! I’m at work. What are you and Mommy up to?”

She goes, “Well, I just ate a sandwich, and Mommy’s upstairs with Uncle Eddie.”

I paused. “Uncle Eddie? We don’t have an Uncle Eddie.”

She confidently replied, “Yes, we do! Uncle Eddie is upstairs with Mommy in the bedroom.”

At this point, my alarm bells were going off. Something was fishy.

So, I calmly asked, “Hey sweetheart, can you leave the phone downstairs, go upstairs, and tell Mommy that Daddy just pulled into the driveway?”

I heard little footsteps running upstairs. About 65 seconds later, she picked the phone back up.

I asked, “What happened?”

She said, “Mommy ran downstairs naked, but she slipped and fell. She’s not moving.”

I was like, “Oh, shoot… okay. What about Uncle Eddie?”

She replied, “Uncle Eddie jumped out of the window, but he barely missed the pool. He’s not moving either.”

And that’s when I realized…

We just lost two people today.

And I don’t have a pool.

So, I hung up the phone… because that was the wrong number.

Congratulate me, It's A Boy And A Girl, And they're Orange and Black. More Monarchs Visit Me.

Ok, I'll admit it, good idea, poor execution.

The cage I slapped together did keep Momma Monarch away from my personal stash of Milkweed.  What it didn't do is keep Momma's little babies from wandering in and eating their fill.

What is this blather?

Lather, rinse, and repeat. 

In this case what I had done wrong was to leave some exposed Milkweed on my front porch.  I used up my supply of hardware cloth to build an ugly steel cage around my personal Milkweed. 

Caterpillars don't share.  Just ask any farmer.  The milkweed I left on the porch drew lots of Monarchs.  Beautiful critters, really.  That is why I plant and propagate the stuff, to help the butterflies. 

Very low effort hobby.  I can watch the little beauties fly in on the breeze from my easy chair in the front room of my house.  Momma floats on in, finds the exposed Milkweed, drops an egg on a leaf, and moves on to the next plant.

In reality she drops a couple eggs and lets Darwin take charge.  You hatch first, you get the tasty leaves.  You hatch last, you get eaten by a brother or sister who eats the plant you are stuck under.

It has worked for millennia this way.  I can't change them. 

You see the issue.  My personal stash within the milkweed cage was adjacent to the exposed plants.  The caterpillars hatched, ate those plants, then moved on to mine.

Only two caterpillars got in the cage, and ate about half of my milkweed.  Greedy little beauties.

They left their jade colored chrysalis behind.  One was inside the cage, the female.  The male came back out of the cage and wandered up the leg of a plastic chair on my porch.

Both did hatch from the pupa.  Both fledged and flew away. 

My neighborhood in the land named after flowers has lots of butterfly friendly flowers.  Who knows, maybe my butterfly's children generations removed may come back and grace my yard.

Hopefully I will get my seeds that I was looking for in the first place.  You know, so I can grow some more milkweed?

Greedy little beauties that you are.

Just leave me a little, Huh?

Potatoes are "apples of the earth" in French but maybe apples are potatoes of the tree

This reminds me I have to prepare some potatoes for dinner.  2 hours 15 minutes at 375F.  Luckily the oven has a timed bake feature so that it will finish when it is good and ready and turn itself off.


 An elderly woman visited a produce store.

She requested 6kg of potatoes. The owner was delighted to help and started packing the potatoes. However, the woman stopped him and requested that each potato be wrapped individually. The man complied and asked if there was anything else he could help with.

The woman then decided she needed 4kg of onions to be wrapped in a similar manner. The shop owner packed the onions and asked if there was anything else. The woman asked for 8kg of carrots.

"Let me guess," said the owner with a sour face, "you want them wrapped individually."

"Oh, that would be grand." she said.

The shop owner fulfilled her request and packed all her items in a bag.

The woman then asked: "What are in those crates behind you?"

The man flushed red and said "Madam, these are grapes and they are not for sale!"

I have an entomology joke, but it clearly bugs everyone.

 Apparently I have a property that is perfect for raising interesting insects. 

Congratulate me, it's a boy and a girl.  Twin Monarch Butterflies.  The girl flew off.  The boy is still resting on my front porch at 830 in the morning.

And in the back yard, there is a colony of bees who have decided that an old cabinet we have there is perfect for them.  They will be dispatched with the utmost prejudice.  As big as I am, I am terrified of bees.  This is Florida.  They could well be africanized.  Dunno, don't want them.  They are swarming all over that cabinet and my backyard is pretty much blocked off.


Anyway...  Unless I used this one before, here it is again!



 A man tells his doctor "Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How can she be pregnant?"

The doctor considered his question for a moment, and then began to tell a story:

“I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day, he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a large beaver sitting at the water’s edge. Since he only had his umbrella, he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature."

"Whimsically, he raised his umbrella, aimed it at the animal as if it were his hunting rifle, and said ‘bang, bang’. Miraculously, the beaver flinched twice as if it had just been shot, then fell over dead.”

"Now, what do you think of that ?” asked the doctor.

The man said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

The doctor replied, “Exactly! Next patient, please.”

Looking Inward, Watching Me.

The view from the rocker is furry. 

It would be much less furry if I could stop procrastinating and actually run the vacuum.  More frequently, of course.

Here I sit in my rocker.  No, I am not off my rocker, but I am being watched.

Every day.  No matter where I am.

The view from the rocker is out the front door.  Actually out of the front of the house but from the rocker, I look out to the driveway.

It's impact glass.  A Step or three less thick than what you see in the bank.  When I tell people that I live in a bunker I mean it. 

None of this prepper post-apocalyptic nonsense.  We have codes here to try to make a hurricane survivable in South Florida.  Roofs are tied down with extra straps.  Walls are made from CBS.  The house is a Concrete Block Structure.  Windows with Impact Glass. 

Where a Californian won't worry about an earthquake over a certain strength, I don't worry until a hurricane is above a Category 2.  Cat 3 or stronger. 

I have had birds fly into the windows with a resounding "thump".  They generally need time to at least clear their heads.

Cats.  *Sigh* There is no such thing as an outdoor cat.  No matter what you think, you are wrong.  It will be a much safer kitty if it is inside your house.  Why?

Coyotes.  Yes, most places have "yotes".  They will eat little kitty cat if they find them.

Two legged vermin will do dastardly deeds to them as well.

Love your cats, keep them with you.

They look in on me too.  I am blessed with all sorts of critters coming up to my front door and looking in at me.  Typically I will walk to the door and flick the lock and they scatter.  I'm not welcoming I guess.

But Rack.  He's doing his job.  He watches the front door and scans for intruders.  Letter Carriers, package delivery, Pizza deliveries.  They all set off a cacophony of barks.

Luckily he's losing his hearing.  Selective deafness. 

If I want to go out to that Jeep in the great outdoors, he won't like it.  Nothing loud, I am the alpha after all.  I'll just get sad dog eyes.  So I either slink out the "Illegal Door" in the car port, or I will step over him.

"You're a good boy, watch the house".  I tell him.

Not that a mostly toothless almost 14 year old dog will be that much of a guard but we humor him. 

If he spots anything outside, he'll "let us know".

Just back from a dog walk and dinner, he has been pacing for a half hour and finally settled.  Right back at his place.  In front of the door. Looking inward and watching me.

Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees? They're really good at it.

Strange thing about summer in South Florida.  We get rain storms float through.  It looks like a Leopard's hide on Radar.  Green Blobs.  It's also 90F and 65% humidity when it isn't raining.  If you want to go outside and work on the yard and you are doing it casually, you wait for the rain to get close but not here, then get in a little bit done in the clouds just before the rain hits.  

It's a strategy game.  If you will excuse me, I have a mango tree I have to attack!




 2 roofers at work

Two roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over.

Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.

It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down.

On the west side of the barn was a big manure pile.

Bob said, It's the only way down. I will go first."

Bob jumped.

Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, “Hey Bob! How deep did you go?"

Bob yelled back, “I went to my ankles Dan, come on – JUMP!"

Dan jumped and sank clear up to his neck in manure.

“I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles!” he shouted at Bob.

“I did, explained Bob, "but I landed head first.”

If you turn a canoe over, you can use it as a hat because it is capsized.

I have to say that this is basically one of the reasons I park where I do when I go for a workout.  The spaces are all the same, but there is a tree to the passenger side. 

While I park close to the tree, there is always some knucklehead right on my driver's side.

Enjoy your dent.





  A parking story

So God is chilling up in heaven.....

And he wants to go down to Earth and see how things are going. But he can't just go down to Earth, that would cause the rapture.

So he calls up St. Peter and asks him to go do some recon on his behalf. St. Peter does as he's told, takes off, and comes back 2 weeks later.

"God... I don't know how to say this but it's terrible down there. Absolutely terrible."

"Really?" God responds.

"Well for starters 90% of the people down there don't know how to park a car correctly" St. Peter says.

"Stop right there." God proclaims. "We need to fix THAT issue right now."

So they brainstorm for a bit and God goes "I got it! We will make a plaque, and we will give it to the 10% of people who know how to park"

And do you know what that plaque said???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Oh you didn't get one?

23 Years, 55555 Miles, Third Jeep Wrangler

Yes, I still have that Jeep.

23 years later.  It finally hit a milestone number on the clock.  55555 miles.

89407 km for the Imperially Impaired.

I was sitting at a stop light in Pompano Beach.  Southbound on Federal Highway, US1, and Mc Nab Road.  Seems like that's been my history for quite a while.  Always heading south on US1. Always carving a groove in US1. 

I got into Jeeps back when AMC was a going concern.  I had a friend who was influencing me.  I commented that I was tired of "Fussy Cars" that had problems.  I wanted something I could fix if I had to but had to be well supported.

He took me out into the NJ Pine Barrens with his own CJ 7.  I was hooked. 

I got myself a CJ 7, charcoal with a hard top.  I had that car for about 3 years and enjoyed it until I drove it to Indianapolis.  It ruined my back.  So I got a small car and drove that back home. 

That was a mistake.  I never stopped missing that CJ. 

So after I wrecked the small car and had a mistaken flirtation with a Ford Taurus, I got a Chevy Nova.  Mind you that was basically a Toyota Corolla and it fit me well for 10 years.  It started having issues with rust and someone who I was seeing was being cranky about being in a small car so I was pointed to the new Jeeps.

"It's a Jeep TJ.  The Wranglers.  They are actually comfortable unlike your CJ and you never stopped talking about that one."

So I test drove a TJ.  Bought it that day.  Only draw back was it was an Automatic.

I don't know why anyone wants a Jeep with an Automatic.  It's just not... Jeeplike.

I need to "Row My Own".  I need to be in touch with what I am doing. 

Three years later, I got this one.  5 speed.  4 liter inline 6 motor.  One of the last indestructible engines that was made.  Still AMC designed but built by Chrysler in the Toledo Ohio plant. 

It has the nicest sound when you drive it on the road.  Between 30 and 50 it sings to you in third gear, purrs in fourth.  I should know, I put it in that gear myself.

It's also a thirsty beast, and has always been.  16 MPG is a good time for me.  The best I ever got was 23 mpg and that took a tail wind and a trip to Key West, FL to do it.

Pro Tip is if you ever are going to Key West, plan your trip to hit the Seven Mile Bridge at sunset and make sure you have a convertible car.  Put the roof down and enjoy that ride.  One of the most beautiful rides you can ever have, I did it both in that Jeep and a Honda GoldWing Interstate motorcycle.  If you plan your timing right the stars come out like someone threw glitter in the air.

No, really, it is truly that beautiful.

I'd even consider driving you there, if you talk nice to me, and pay for gas, food, and lodging.  I may be nostalgic and a bit of a travel romantic, but I am not stupid, Key West is damn expensive!

If we do go, you had better be comfortable with my choice of music.  My Jeep, My Rules.  No country, none of that "Album Rock" crap.

But let me get the old boy serviced.  23 years is a long time and the hoses are starting to crack.  That's why the engine light is on the dash board.  It has been for about 10 years.  I suppose I should get that looked into, but the code is the gas cap code, and I am tired of buying new ones.

For the most part, it's been a good friend.  Mechanical friend that only let me down once.  Ironically at that self same intersection, the clutch master cylinder failed on me.  I limped to a dealer and they did repair the clutch.  I told the advisor what was wrong, and after a week they found the part and replaced it.  It's been good ever since.

I pulled in and the service advisor said "we don't have a loaner or a driver for you".  I had just come south from the park and a workout.  Pointing at the bike on the back of the Jeep I just said "You are only 6 miles/10K from my house and I just finished a marathon, a little bit more will be fine".  It was the look of astonishment from all the service advisors that convinced me that remaining in shape all these years and being able to ride 38 miles in one day on a bike was well worth it.

Yes, that old dusty Jeep is a friend.  A good ride.  They don't make them like this any more.  They got big just like every other car on the road.  They are transitioning to hybrid which would be nice.  That 16 MPG is tough to take but I have been told to hold onto my old boy.

I do talk about it like a cowboy talks about his horse.  Funny thing about all that.  I see a lot of cars on the road but nothing really catches my eye.  Prices have tripled and quadrupled.  But I still have my old Jeep and I'm comfortable in it.  Nice not to have a car payment for the last 20 years.

I may even be convinced to take it in for service to have that gas cap code looked at.  I know what has to be done and I am not finding the idea of lowering a gas tank for an inspection to be attractive in my own carport.

More than I would like to attack.  I did replace the stereo more than once and made a bezel and a mount for the speaker out of a laundry detergent bucket.  I am still picking up bits of blue plastic in my kitchen that flew off the Dremel from that day.

Better to make your own microplastic waste than absorb it from the environment I guess!

If I can find a truly good mechanic who knows old cars, I may be able to relax enough to trust my old friend to.