A Couple of Sub Par Jokes
Chris returned home after a long day out on the course. Upon walking through the door, he was greeted by his wife, who asked about his game.
"Oh honey, it was awful," sighed Chris. "Glen- you know Glen; Trish's husband?- he had a heart attack and dropped dead on the second hole."
"My God," gasped his wife, "That's terrible! Oh you poor thing."
"Ay, you're telling me. It was awful. For the whole day it was 'hit the ball, drag Glen. Hit the ball, drag Glen.'"
A golfing couple were playing their routine course one afternoon. Feeling the peace and serenity of the day, the husband decided to confess his most regrettable action during their marriage.
"My dear, a few years back, I had an affair with my receptionist. I fired her shortly after. I'm telling you this because I felt guilty, and I know that you're the only one for me."
She remains silent for the remainder of the hole. The husband fear that his marriage is lost. Suddenly, she begins to speak.
"I too, have something to admit."
"Pray tell," says the husband, "I'm sure it is not as bad as my sins."
"Well," she says, "In the years before we knew each other, I was a man. I've gone through a sex change."
"WHAT?!" roars the husband. "AND YOU'VE BEEN HITTING FROM THE WOMEN'S TEE ALL THIS TIME?!"
Three men, an avid golf threesome, were considering adding a fourth to their weekly round. That day, a new woman overheard the guys talking about their golf game. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"
One of the men said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 a.m. They figured the early tee-time would discourage her.
The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late.
They rolled their eyes, but said okay.
She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week.. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed.
The third week, the guys showed up with a new intensity to win. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. On this day, the women played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.
Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said.."When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his Wee Duff was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."
One of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up?"
She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."