Three Short Jokes: The Illiterate, The Miserly Gift, and In A Bar In New Zealand

You know... I typed in Illiterate wrong every single time!



The Illiterate

A man opens a dictionary, and learns the definition of illiteracy.
Next he opens a thesaurus, and finds he can't read.
Frustrated and depressed, he finally commits suicide.
His family finds him dead in his bedroom.
Next to his body, a blank sheet of paper.


Miserly Gift

A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend.
Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit.

In due time, he received an acknowledgement:
"Thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."


In a Bar in New Zealand...

A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a shandy. All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see another Australian visitor.
The barman says, "You aren't from around here, are ya?"
The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."
The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?"
The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender says, "A tixidermist? What the hick is a tixidermist? Do you drive a tixi?'
"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."
The bartender grins and yells, "He's okay, boys. He's one of us!"