Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
I was at the gas station...
And I noticed this policeman watching a woman who was smoking while pumping gas! I saw her and thought, "Is this lady stupid or crazy?! With the cop right there too!"
I went inside and paid for my gas and as I was checking out, I heard someone screaming. I looked out the window and saw that the woman's arm was on fire! She was swinging her arm and running around like crazy!
I ran outside to help and saw that the cop had put her on the ground and was putting the fire out with his coffee! Then he put handcuffs on her and threw her in the back seat of his car. I was thinking "What kind of idiot smokes when pumping gas?" But being the nosy person that I am, I asked the cop what he was arresting her for.
He looked me square in the eyes and said ... "Waving a firearm!"