Ducks in Heaven
Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven.
There Saint Peter says,
'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!'
They enter Heaven,
and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost
impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps
on one straight away.
Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the
woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment
for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to
an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the
ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them.
One day Saint Peter
comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man.
The woman is
delighted but wonders why she's been blessed.
She gets on her knees and
prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?'
says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'
A Redneck Tourist Goes to the Rivera
and he gets flagged down by the beachside bathing suit store owner.
Monsieur, you cannot wear cutoff jeans to the beach here, and talks him
into buying a speedo type, telling him: "the women will drool over you
when you're wearing it."
He puts it on and leaves for the beach.
tourist comes back an hour later saying that the women still ignore him
and give him disapproving looks as he walks by.
The store owner looks
down at his crotch and then hands him a potato and says "Monsieur, put
this down your suit and the women will be unable to resist you for
The tourist comes back after 15 minutes, and says that now the
women were throwing things at him and one even threw up when he walked
The store owner says: Monsieur, the potato goes in the front of the