Elephant

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. 
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. 

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. 

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. 

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. 

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. 

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. 

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. 

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. 
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. 
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. 

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Talking Dog

Talking Dog

A man walks into a bar with a dog under his arm. The bartender, of course, says, "You can't bring the dog in here!"

The man replies, "But he can talk. I'll prove it. Watch."

He turns to the dog and says, "What's on a tree?"

"Bark! Bark!"

"What does sandpaper feel like?"

"Rough! Rough!"

"And, who is the greatest baseball player ever?"

"Ruth! Ruth!"

The bartender grabs them both and throws them out into the street. As they're picking themselves up, the man turns to the dog and says, "What do you suppose that was all about?"

"No idea," the dog replies. "Maybe I should have said Ty Cobb."

Dealing with Facebook Annoyances Using Adblock Plus

Audience is either Firefox Users or Chrome Users.


Facebook is the website you love to hate.

Teens are leaving it, adults can be addicted as a time sink, marketers think they can buy the world's information at a song.

You can tame the beast some. 

Lately Facebook has made some changes to the way they present information.  It's all about getting you to opt into more things - you know, to "Like" them.   That helps them build a profile about you.   Since you tend to give up that information freely, it's pretty valuable.

But lately it got to be a bit much.  Since I manage a number of websites, and a number of social media presences online, I have to be on Facebook - all day.

First thing is you really need a good ad blocker.   The reason is that those ad services may be entertaining but they are watching what you do everywhere.  You may not have a problem with it, but I do.

I went to Firefox years ago and installed an adblocker.  The latest iteration of it is called "Adblock Edge".  It will block both intrusive and non-intrusive advertising.   The distinction between that and "Adblock Plus" is that Adblock Plus has been paid by Google and perhaps others to not block their text ads.  That raises the question of what else are they not telling you.  Supposedly Adblock Plus is making the decision as to whether something is acceptable, and I'm not comfortable with that.

• Simple, get Adblock Edge instead.  Adblock Edge will allow you, once you learn how to use the thing, to block any advert as well as things like frames and those reprehensible "Fancybox" and "Lightbox" things that seem to float over a web page.

I'll let you look into that whole learning process.   It's best that you look into it yourself, but the default settings on Adblock Edge are pretty good to begin with.  The simplest explanation is that you can right click on an ad, Select "Adblock Plus: Block Image" and tailor what you see.

The next step is to import something into Adblock Edge that works with Facebook itself.   There's a big long list of things that they added that annoy me, as well as clutter their interface.  Frankly I don't have time for most of it, but a long list of that stuff can be found in this article. 

Those annoyances are the "You May Like" or the "You May Know" genre of items.  They got to the point where they were more than half of what I would see on Facebook.   So when I saw the article, I followed the simple instructions:

• First Surf this page.  It gives you a graphical representation of things you don't want to see.

• Second, select the link you want.  I selected the Block All in the first column but that may be a bit too much.  You can see the graphic and select the one you want by clicking on the green "+ add" button.

• Third, add the rules to your Adblocker.  When you click on the "+ add" button, it will pop up the Adblock dialogue box for "Add Adblock Plus Filter Subscription".  Click on the button to "Add Subscription".

You're done.  Facebook will be less cluttered - until they break that by changing things.

You can always hide those people or businesses by unfriending or unliking them, but that is a bit of a Nuclear Option.   This keeps the friends but loses the "chaff".

It just got too hectic, so thankfully Technology came to the rescue.

You Either Have Birds or You Have Music

When the weather broke, the windows opened.  All that fresh air blowing things from North to South in the house also brought in with it the sounds of the city.  On a quiet night, not that we get too many of those, I can hear traffic from the highways at least a mile away.  

All part of living in the city.

I've grown used to that, and accounting for it when I've got on my music.  If it gets too loud, I have mom standing over my shoulder screaming at me to turn it down.

Mom in this case is a parrot.  My Orange Wing Amazon, Oscar.

A couple weekends back, I set him out on the front porch and let him chatter with the feral parrot flocks we get here.  He ducked and covered when one of the hawks got a bit too close, but for the most part he enjoyed the change of pace.

So did we.   I was able to fill the room with some music I really wanted to experience.  Headphones off, speakers turned up more than Oscar would allow.

He gets to visit the Ring Necks and the feral birds, I get to play Beethoven, Armin van Buuren, and Earth Wind and Fire.

Early in that morning, it was cold.  70F, that's 21C for the Metrically Endowed.  Yeah, it's Florida and we actually look forward to those first mornings before the sun is fully up and the temps dip down below room temp.  Saves money and wakes up everyone.

We threw open the windows.

I think that was a mistake.  It wasn't even 6AM when Oscar started chattering at Boogie Wonderland played on the radio at low volume in the kitchen.  I don't think it was the Emotions and Phillip Bailey that he was singing with.  I think it was the Peterbilts and Kenworths on I95 on the other end of town coupled with the rest of the waking world.

I shrugged and got him to quiet down.   There is a big blue throw blanket that I keep on hand to cover the cage.  All I have to do is show it to him and ask him if he wants some time out.  So much for running any loud appliances, I lowered the volume on everything in the house, vowed to wait until after 7AM to roast my coffee, and let Oscar have his way.

He likes the music just like I do but I really don't want his accompaniment, and I'm sure the rest of the sleeping island doesn't either. 

The music got paused for a later time.

I had to bring him in shortly thereafter anyway.  As the city woke up, the trucks started moving around and the morning gardeners moved into position.  A herd of migratory lawnmowers began to fire up and feed on the St. Augustine Grass and errant Hibiscus that needed to be trimmed.

Life in the suburbs can be a loud place for a small green bird.

No Bake Graham Cracker Crust and Pistachio Pie Recipe

You are looking at practically the whole recipe right there in one picture.

This is what happens when someone who knows just a little bit about cooking gets creative in the kitchen to relieve boredom. 

Since it was so easy, I'd put this under the heading "Bachelor Chow" or "Things to do with your kid".

Pie Crusts are supposed to be simple.  Putting it all together can be a chore, but this one wasn't. 

The entire pie that you see in the second picture fell together in about 10 minutes, and that was long because I had to let the dog back into the house.

Ingredients:

• 1 Graham Cracker - sheet, four little cookies
• 1 Teaspoon Sugar
• 1 Teaspoon Butter

That's for each bowl.  Double to make enough for two.

Preparation:

• Crumble your Graham Cracker until it is an even crumb to your preference.  Putting the cracker in a plastic bag will make this step easier.
• Pour Graham Cracker Crumbs in Bowl.
• Add Sugar.
• Put Butter on top and microwave for 30 to 40 seconds or until melted.
• Mix the ingredients while still warm until the butter and sugar has dissolved.
• The result will be a lumpy paste that you can form in the bottom of a small bowl with a teaspoon.

You can give the bowl another blast in the microwave if you prefer, but I just fill with the pie filling or pudding.

Filling - get a box of Pistachio Royal Instant Sugar Free Pudding to have what I had.   Otherwise fill with your favorite instant no bake pudding.  Use 1 1/2 cups milk instead of the normal 2. 

I recommend Royal Instant Sugar Free instead of Jello because the flavor is so much better.  One box of pudding will fill two bowls/pies.

As you see in this picture, the total damage was 230 calories. It's less than some chocolate bars, and not as much sugar if you're watching your weight.

One Bright Roadside Bloom

I think I needed a little brightness in my week.

The weather here this week has been quite strange.  It went from unseasonably warm last week, even peaking at 90 when the temps should be more mid 80s.

Yes, I'm in South Florida, I expect that.

Then you folks Up There sent us a front.  I watched it truck its way across the Deep South, then down America's Wang, The State Of Florida.

Homer Simpson broke me, I've been hearing him say that Florida is America's Wang for years now in my head. 

Once it left the redneck belt, that deep stripe of red on the radar hit us as a weak couple moments of showers.   Now it's in the third day of grey and wind.  Not that I'm complaining, it's a couple degrees cooler, Windows Open weather, and the breezes are welcome.

Other than it has picked up Fort Lauderdale Beach, and I suspect a bit of the Bahamas, and deposited them on my Jeep.  I'd wash it but it just seems a bit futile.

Since it's Trash Day, I dealt with the Steel Grey clouds and the trees leaning 20 degrees to the West by going outside and putting the big blue can upright yet again, then compulsively pulling weeds for a couple handfuls before coming in and getting back to work.  Grey and green with scattered flowers is the weather forecast. 

So after pulling weeds that spread over my garden, I thought a flower was necessary.   This one in the picture is trying to climb itself next to a pole around the corner.  There was a house there that one day was knocked down in the housing bubble.  The former owners most likely planted it for an added splash of color in days gone by. 

Hopefully the plans to build a four-plex will fail and someone will once again put a single family home there.  These future new people can take over the vine that catches my eye each time I walk past the now empty yard that now serves for an entry to the water so my neighbors can go down and try to catch fish.


There's still a little Mayberry left on my quirky little flowery island.

Ellie and Rack's First Play Date

For a while now, I have been walking with a pack.   A small pack of three people, two dogs. 

Across the street in one of the duplexes live Lisa and her son Bill.  They have a "middle aged" dog Ellie.  Ellie is a mixed breed rescue who was an owner surrender that the owner grew too old to take care of.  She got placed with them without the trauma of going through the shelters and has grown to be a good guard dog.

With apartment living what it is, especially in an urban or suburban environment, Ellie does not get a lot of time to just "be".  She doesn't have a place that she can get out and run around loose and sniff the palm trees, water the hibiscus, crop the grass... you know, normal "dog" stuff.  While dogs can do that on a leash, there's something more rewarding to just cut loose and be yourself. 

Think about how you feel when 5PM Friday comes along and you will understand Ellie well.

The other day, Bill marched over to the house and asked a favor.  "Can I let Ellie loose in the backyard?  Maybe let Rack out and they can go run around off leash for a while!".

Sure!  Sounds fun!

Bill almost immediately got Ellie.  I had just finished a job app to a local jurisdiction here and was looking for something to clear my head so this would be just the thing.

Ellie tried to go in our front door, so patterned by being indoors that Bill had to drag her over to the gate to the pool equipment and the yard beyond.

At that time, semi freedom loomed.

Ellie got to the backyard and acted confused.  She didn't really know what to do with this "Space".  She was wandering over to the back door looking to be let in just as I got there to let Rack out and had to convince Ellie that no, you are allowed to Just Be A Dog for as long as you need to so stay out in the South Florida Sun for a while.

My standing in the way of the door nudged Ellie out of the way, and my own black and white dart was right behind.  Rack charged through the now empty door and then it began to click.

Rack is now 14 months old and still very much a puppy.  Whenever he sees Ellie, first he tries to convince her to Play! then he calms down and bounces around the place.  The only place Rack is quiet is inside the house. 

Ellie started wandering around with Rack trying to convince her to play when it all came to pass.

The fawn colored Ellie started to run around the yard, sometimes with Rack in front and other times behind.  It only took one or two times of Rack doing the "Let's Play" stance in front of her for Ellie to shake off some of the mental solitary confinement dust and learn once again to play. 

Watch out low hanging lemons, there was about 100 pounds of two dogs running around the pool at full speed acting goofy for the first time in a very long time.  Weaving between the fruit trees in pots, behind the pool, around the big palm tree "twenty-leven" times and finally discovering the pool.

They didn't actually jump in, that would be too much to try first time out.  Rack doesn't yet understand that pools can be fun and has only been in the water once.  He's afraid of his own shadow mostly, and since Ellie didn't have a clue what the pool was used for, she gave it wide berth.

While this unleashed excitement was going on, the three humans just stood around gap jawed and amused.  It's best to stand back and let the dogs have their freedom.  You just don't get to borrow a yard all that often and when it happens, make use of it.

Sure there are dog parks in the area.  Wilton Manors is small but there are two within a mile of me, and another one just over the line in Fort Lauderdale.  But dog parks can be constrained situations and usually you have to be careful of what lurks there.  I'd just rather keep my size 11 boots clean thank you. 

I guess we're lucky to have seen it.  Ellie literally was piecing it all together as it happened.   Rack is used to my little 50 by 150 slice of the tropics, so it's nothing special for him, but for an apartment dweller it is important to just get out and crop the grass under the bougainvillea once in a while for fun.

So much fun that they didn't even get to use Rack's favorite spot, in the sun, under the big palm tree, stretched out in the grass and soaking it all in.

A Once A Year Time Change Story

If you're like me, you were up at Stupid O'Clock anyway.

I tried.  Really I did.  I stayed up to Midnight last night.  Playing FreeCiv on my beater laptop I looked at the clock that said 11:58 and turned off the Soca music stream from London or Toronto or some other city chock full of the "Caribbean Diaspora" and their culture, pulled up the covers and promised myself a good long "lie-in" today.

When the irrigation pumps kicked in, I tried sleeping through it, but that just didn't work.

It was 5AM.

Time to start the morning ritual on a Sunday Morning.

Rack wasn't really into getting up either, but he did curl up neatly next to me as I put the collar and harness on him and walked him out for his breakfast bowl.

As I waited for him to finish eating, I set clocks.   More like, he'd stop eating because I would set clocks.

The internet radios, atomic clocks, and cell phones would all take care of themselves.  Quartz clocks were easy, just bump the thing ahead an hour.

Mom's Clock, a clock I picked up in the mid 1980s in a flea market in Pennsylvania as a holiday gift was tough.  It's a 31 day wind up that should be stopped in order to let the world catch up to it.  There's a kitchen timer sitting next to it that is counting that hour down so I had better finish my coffee in time.  I have a feeling I may need a second mug.

The sun isn't yet up.  It's not even awake yet.  The windows are open on the house, it's a cold morning at 69F, but the breezes are already cooling me under the ceiling fan that's turned off.

It happens every time change.  The birds outside are trilling out their morning song as it floats in on the breezes.  The pets aren't going to pay attention to Mankind's Folly of artificially setting clocks twice a year.  They'll wake up in their own time.  My own body does the same.  I'll eventually adjust to this induced jet lag.

Whether we adjust the clocks or not.

No Dogs Allowed

No Dogs Allowed

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"

A Tale of Two Wicked Manors Halloween Parties in Wilton Manors

Wicked Manors happens each Halloween.  It has for the last couple years and it's becoming one massive party.  I hear it's the only outdoor street party on Halloween night in the three South Florida counties.

It's highly successful turning Wilton Drive into a long strip of people of all ages going out to see the costumes, dance in the street to (loud) music, enjoy costume contests, and street food.

Massive comes to mind.  It's going to get larger, it's certainly got critical mass at this point.

I was out wandering around at the peak of it last night.   There were so many people moving round in circles in various costumes that I simply couldn't take it in.   I was told that there were groups of neighbors waving at me to say hi but frankly if your costume is so good that I don't know who you are, I'm going to be a bit confused if the fiftieth Zombie I saw walking past insists that I should know them.

Sorry, I really don't and now that the Halloween festivities are done, so are the Zombie things.   Zombies, the overdone Halloween trend of 2013.  Lets hope that they end up on the pile with the Reno 911 Sheriff Dangle costumes.

Yes, Zombies, I will silently judge you.   There just were too many of them along with the Man As A Pregnant Nun costume and the Woman As A Sexy Nurse, although the Sexy Nurses were cute.

As wild as Wilton Drive was last night I was not surprised when I crossed the Berlin Wall into our own version of Communist East Berlin and an empty parking lot. 

Adjacent to the Drive is the Shoppes of Wilton Manors.  Home to many businesses, it's usually the heart of the action here on any given Thursday night with drink specials and party goers galore.   Earlier this year a fence went up around the parking lot limiting ingress and egress.  That's in and out to you and me.   You could get in one of four "approved" entry points.  Just don't park there and go visit the rest of the city or you'll get towed.

The party goers decided it wasn't worth the effort.   At 8:30 PM, there were so many people on Wilton Drive that I had to walk sideways through clutches of people.   At 8:31 PM, I stepped through the throng into the parking lot at the Shoppes.  

Cue the sound of Crickets.

The eastern half of the parking lot was half full of cars, and about 1/2 of the normal amount at that time of a Thursday night.  If you could get there you could park.  The western half of the parking lot in front of Java Boys coffee shop had tables that were happily full of patrons.   Step past the tables... it was easy to find a way to zip across an empty parking lot.  Get in front of Alibi and there was a clutch of people there, but about a quarter as many as in the past.

The result?   Wall 1, Patrons 0.

Great way to do businesses, build a wall to keep people out.  Someone forgot that if you make it difficult for people to get to you they won't bother.

But hey, the party was a success.  My feet still ache from all of the walking and I'm looking forward to doing it again.   I will have to leave the Doctor's outfit in the closet next year.  My one neighbor said "I see you have your scrubs on AGAIN!". 

But they're COMFORTABLE... Ok, next year a Pirate.  That lab coat was a bit warm in the 80F heat.