So Three Guys Arrive At The Pearly Gates
St. Peter says "Guys, we're almost at our limit for the day, so... you three tell me your stories, and the best one can go through."
So the first guy says "Well, I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I doubled back home on the way to work. My wife was sitting in bed with the covers around her, so I took a look around. I ended up finding a guy hanging from the balcony, so I pushed him off. He fell off, but landed in a tree, so I grabbed our refrigerator and threw it down at him, but just after the deck collapsed and I died."
The second guy says: "So, some lady called me to come fix her deck, so I showed up to fix it. Unfortunately, I slipped, and started hanging from the deck, but then some crazy guy came over, pushed me off and threw a refrigerator at me!"
The third guy says: "So there I was, hiding in a refrigerator..."
Sam and the Chick Magnet
Sam was a simple fellow, socially awkward, not very attractive, but he had high hopes for meeting girls on his long-awaited Florida vacation. Every day, he went to the beach in hopes of meeting someone special, but every day he was disappointed because all the girls seemed to hang around one certain man. This guy was not necessarily much to look at, but he seemed to be a real chick magnet and Sam was baffled.
Two days before his vacation ended, Sam happened to see this man in his hotel lobby, and got up the courage to approach him.
"Excuse me," Sam stammered, "but I could not help but notice that you are quite the ladies' man on the beach. I wouldn't try to compete with you, but tomorrow is my last day of vacation and I was wondering if you might share your secret with me before I go."
"Well sure!" the man said heartily, "since you're only here one more day, I can do that.Here's what you do: buy yourself a really tight pair of Speedos, and a good-sized baking potato. Slip the potato down your Speedos and strut your stuff. The ladies will knock themselves out to be near you. Good luck!"
Sam wasn't sure this would work, but he had nothing to lose so he did as instructed. Next morning he heads for the beach, and just as he suspected, the potato-in-the-Speedo was not having the effect he wanted. In fact, people were starting to point and laugh and Sam was beginning to wonder if maybe he had gotten a potato that was too large.
Suddenly Sam sees the guy who gave him the advice, and motions him to come over. "Why isn't this working?" Sam asks. "I did what you told me to do! Is my potato too large?"
"No, the size is fine," the guy says, "but you need to put it in the FRONT!"