Ring The Doorbell

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.”

Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.”
 “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts.

Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”


A Couple Bonus short jokes:

I remember going to a store with 20$ and coming home with groceries to last for a week. But now? Damn security cameras everywhere.


A Couple was married for forty years:

But with the husband in serious financial trouble, he told his wife he was considering suicide.
"Don't worry, honey!" she said reassuringly. "We aren't as hard off as you think. When we first got married, I put away two dollars in our savings every time we had sex! We have almost $100,000 saved!"

"Wow!" the husband exclaimed, "what a genius woman I married! I only wish I had given you all of my business!"


Two silkworms had a race.  It Ended in a Tie.


My girlfriend isn't speaking to me for ruining her birthday.
I'm not sure how that's possible, I didn't even know it was her birthday.