You Know You're In America When

-- A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.

-- There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

-- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.

-- Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.

-- Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.

-- People use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.

-- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.