So After Thirteen Years Of This Blog Stuff, What Do You Like?

I was just on the back porch turning it into a PVC Foundry.  I have a special need for a specific shape of pipe and I was realizing that it was time to come in.  I didn't have anything loaded in the blog for Wednesday, and wanted to rectify that.

After all, in a nearly 90 degree day under a tin roof, running a propane stove is not the most comfortable thing to do.  

Partially Melting PVC pipe is not a common pursuit unless you are trying to fit conduit into a specific bend in the world, so it was time to come in and shower off. 

Hey, I could have "accidentally" fallen into the pool, accidentally.  It's 84F in the water, and we hardly ever use the blasted thing.

But I have been doing this blog thing since 2009 and it gave me an excuse to do some naval gazing.   You see, the weekend posts are jokes that I have enjoyed at some weird level.  They are surprisingly well read, and there are people who come back and read them on here and the Wordpress mirror of the blog.

Over the past year, this is the sort of thing that you and others have been reading.

Not that everyone has a need to use Linux, but there are always some hits on my Linux posts every day.  In fact there is a hunger for verified information about the third most popular operating system on the desktop and laptop, and I am quite comfortable giving it.

Number 1 and 10 were people trying to get their Tap To Click working on their Debian laptops.  I exclusively use Linux for my own purposes, and many of you have left Windows behind because you ... I Won't Stand On A Soapbox much with this, but it runs faster, does more with less, and all the software is completely free. 

Free Software?  What a concept!

1 - For Debian 10 How To Get Tap To Click Back

10 For Debian 9 How To Get Tap To Click Back

Number 2 was for people who have the same problem I do with the tub.  It has settled over the years and we had to install a Backer Rod.  I've done this a couple times since I originally wrote the article and I stand behind it.

Number 3 was How To Syringe Feed Your Dog with Chronic Renal Failure.  This is something every dog owner will eventually decide if they can do.  I did with my girl Lettie and we gave her an extra year to live using it.  I refuse to feed Rack any commercial dog food as a result, and he's eating as well as I personally do.  I have been on what I call a Training Diet longer than most have been alive and it is working for both of us.

Number 4 is How to Fix your Ruined Cream Cheese Out of the Freezer.  Yes, I cook a lot, and most things get dropped directly into the freezer.  Once I tried to freeze cream cheese.  Don't, it makes a mess and the cheese "breaks".

Number 5 - Gold Medal Flour - Extraordinary Buttermilk Biscuits Recipe  I use this blog as a scratchpad for life.  All my recipes come here and if I really like them, I will refine them with hints.  This was one of the recipes.

Number 6 - So You Want To Drive Across The County For a Bolt?  The Broken Poang Story.  It is one of those Flight Of Fancy Stories that we all have inside of ourselves.  Ikea's Poang Chair fits me amazingly.  It does not fit everyone.  I am 6'4" and 213 athletic pounds, this morning.  I like the chair so much that I have three of the things, including one rocker.  They will give you parts, if they are missing and the Allen key you use to build Ikea furniture is so useful that it actually fits my inline skates.

Number 7 - Propagating Ruellia.  These things are so easy they will propagate themselves, but if you want some in your property, here's how to make more from a cutting.

Number 8 - The Mango Jam Recipe.  Season is coming up and I need more Mango!  MORE!!!! WE LOVE MANGO!!!  And this is how I have the stuff until Winter.  If you have a mango tree on your property, and are nearby, let me pick a bucket and I'll gift you some preserves back.  Limited Time Only, FOB My Front Porch, blah-blah-blah-weasel-words.

And Finally

Number 9 - Killing the Night Blooming Jasmine With Kindness.  I have never gotten this plant to propagate, which is unfortunate.  The flowers are beautiful and scented.  You can add the dried blossoms to tea and it makes some wonderful tea.  The plants we have are being replaced with Iguana Resistant Hibiscus.  People seem to find this article around this time of year most heavily.

So that's it.  I only do this sort of post infrequently.  I do have some pictures in the camera that I will get on here eventually but for now I think my morning coffee has to be refilled!

Why does the dog wag its tail? Because the tail can't wag the dog!

 I'm safe.  The dog has not come by to sniff my elbow yet but we will be going out for a walk... soon.

This is a story of Aunt Karen.  Now, I am sure this was before the name picked up the rather nasty connotation that it has today.  And every Karen I have met has been an interesting woman.

To date...

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, "My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, "We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they're hatched."

"Very good," said the teacher again, very pleased with the responses so far.

Next it was Dave's turn to tell his story: "My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen.... Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete."

"Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.

"Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to prepare herself. Then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete 'til the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking..."

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose? Ham Boogers!

 Ok THAT title would have been a riot when you were 10, admit it!

Married life!

One day, I looked at my wife and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.

And of course you have to follow that one with a story about a farmer and a lawyer and hilarity shall ensue.

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...
Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,
"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an extremely prestigious school and am partner in a large firm, we mostly deal in corporate you know but...) anyway, I wonder if you wouldn't be a decent little chap about it and let me have it. Being a lawyer, I know the law, that I'm to ask the landowners permission before I retrieve game."

Farmer Joe looks over the lawyer's shoulder and sees the pheasant.
"Well... it is a pretty nice one. Tell you what, we can play Ro-sham-Bo for it. Winner keeps it"

The Lawyer is taken aback
"RO-SHAM-BO? I'm afraid in all my years in prestigious law schools, I'm afraid I never encountered the concept. What are the rules?

"Well," the farmer began, "we each take turns kicking each other in the bollocks, the one who gives up first loses."

The lawyer doesn't like the sound of this at all, but he really wants the pheasant.
"Alright, I'll do it. Err... whom goes first?"

"I kick first cos its my land" says the farmer, simply.
The lawyer consents to stand in the porch, legs apart, and braces himself. Farmer Joe takes several steps back, breaks in to a run, and then swings his boot full force at the lawyer's crotch.

Lifted full off the ground, the lawyer crumples into a yelping, weeping heap, and takes a couple of minutes to get his bearings back, sobbing and cursing on the floor, before slowly straining to stand.

"Very well." Remarks the lawyer, "My turn."
"Nah, you can keep the pheasant" replies farmer Joe, and slams the door.

Between the Dragonflies and the Monarchs, I think not spraying the lawn for grubs really helps.

I guess it's the Law of Unintended Consequences.

This is when something unexpected happens due to your action or inaction.

The Law, is also one of the things that stuck in my mind from my Sociology courses in university all those years ago.   Fun thing, Sociology.  Half of the course is defining the term Cohesion, the rest of it was using the term in creative ways.

I don't believe in coating your lawn with chemicals unless you really do need it.  If you are having grubs that are killing off the grass and natural means are not controlling them, go for it, but only as much as is truly needed.

In our case, I think my neighbors' spraying pesticides are causing me to be an Island of Nature.  Or perhaps it is merely a nice thought.

I watch what goes on in the front yard very closely.

I chase the ducks off.  That time there was a duck "party" on my front porch that was so loud that through the hurricane glass, I could hear every single one of the seventeen of them that were cramming onto that one female duck at the bottom of the pile.  That was enough.  Chase the female, the males follow.  The eggs they are laying are giving me an opportunity to watch the foxes and perhaps coyotes that come through here at night.  They have a taste for duck eggs just like your "outdoor cats".

If you feed the ducks, you are really feeding the foxes and the coyotes.  The ones that amble about this neighborhood are an introduced species, and not native.  They also bring parasites that sicken your dogs.  There is no such thing as an outdoor pet in suburbia or the city.

Lately I have noticed that there are quite a few Dragonflies taking residence here and at the little M.E. dePalma park nearby.  They, and my treasured Monarch Butterflies shuttle back and forth with great regularity.  

Those grubs sometimes hatch into a mature Dragonfly.  Frequently, by my count.  They are drawing these nondescript birds that have been coming to keep the count of Dragonflies in check.  I'm fine with that, they are in balance with nature.

I'm also noticing that these same birds are not on any of my neighbor's yards.  For the same reasons.  They spray, we don't.

A Green Lawn may be what we have been conditioned to expect in suburbia, but in a climate like ours, that comes at a cost.  You spray, you water, you fertilize, you edge.  Extra carbon dioxide and other pollutants leech into the atmosphere.  Ground water contamination means don't drink that water out of the irrigation that has to happen twice a week, all year around.

It would make more sense to find a landscape more in tune with where you are.   Oh sure, if you live in the UK or Ireland where lawns need nothing but a trim from time to time, great.  I'm in a place in South Florida where I truly have to wonder have we all lost our minds.

Salt intrusion will fix that I am sure.  

Native plants are best.  Following that, as I was told by a lovely Jamaican woman once, they need to give you something back.  Fruiting plants that something can eat as well.  

I guess that is partly why I made it a point to plant a Mango in my own backyard as well.  Can't put the thing in the front yard, after all, I wouldn't get any of them myself!

You see, someone came through the neighborhood the other day and picked every fruit they could reach.  They will be on sale at a flea market near you soon.

Why can't a T-Rex clap their hands? They're dead.

 Well THAT topic is a bit dark!  It did make me laugh so there you go!  And this story is a bit dark too, or maybe it is just that I put this together before dawn with my coffee?

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite donkey Bessie into the... "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'". Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Police officer on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the motorway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Policeman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the officer came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."

He said, "Your donkey was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

Trains never get angry because they're always blowing off steam!

 So lets keep things short and sweet today.  Four times over, four short ones to amuse you!



My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender.
I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied:
"Yes, that seems like common scents."




When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, “Go forth and multiply."

All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, “Go forth and multiply,” but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, “Why have you not followed my command?”

“We can’t multiply. We’re Adders.”




Mercedes for Sale @ $1

Someone put up this advertisement. No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car. The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 miles, for $1. She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.

As the old man was leaving, he said "I would die of suspense if you don't tell me why this car was sold so cheap?" The Lady replied "I am just fulfilling the will of my deceased husband, where all money received from sale of his Mercedes would go to his Secretary".

The police were called to a female gym...

The female manager ran out to greet the two male officers as they exited their vehicle.

“Please, come quickly.” She said in horror, “We’ve found a peep hole drilled into the changing room. Some pervert has been watching us!”

“Don’t worry,” the policeman said reassuringly, “We’ll track down the suspect right away. Please tell all the ladies to go back to their exercising. There’s nothing to worry about anymore.”

The gym manager nodded, relieved, “And what about the hole in the wall?”

“Rest assured” The other police officer said, “We’ll be looking into it”

Gyro Spices for Pita or Gyro Burgers on the Grill

It's a winner.

I made this over the weekend, and I liked it so much I made it again for this blog posting.

The recipe is three parts for 2 pounds of meat.  Should serve 8.

Spices, Prep, Grill.

The result is burgers that taste like a Gyro.  Or if you prefer you can stuff a pita with this, veg, and tzatziki sauce and have it more traditional.

Ingredients:

• 2 teaspoon Minced Garlic
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 Tablespoon Oregano
• 1 teaspoon Rosemary
• 1 teaspoon Thyme
• 1 teaspoon ground pepper
• 2 Tablespoons Dried Onion
• 2 teaspoon Paprika
• Your choice of 2 Pounds Total of Ground Meats.  Traditionally:
  
• 1 pound Ground Lamb
• 1 pound Ground Chuck/Burger meat
• 1/2 lemon for juicing

Assembly:

Gather the list of spices and mix in the proper amounts in a small cup.

The amounts can be halved or doubled as needed.

Add 2 pounds of ground meats to a bowl.

Sprinkle the spice mix a bit at a time into the bowl as you mix this in.

When you have incorporated the spices, juice the 1/2 lemon into the meat and mix it in.

The end result may be grilled with good results, or cooked as needed.

Traditionally, this is cooked on a spit or in the oven and sliced similar to a meatloaf but yours truly wanted burgers and did not have Pita.

I’m so glad I wasn’t born in Germany because I can’t speak German.

 


A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”




A Chinese takeaway order is about 25 dollars. The price of gas to get there and back is about 3 dollars.

Realizing that you forgot one of the containers at the shop is riceless.



An old man was eating in a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in.
As they passed the old man, the first biker pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, then laughed and took a seat at the counter.
The second biker picked up the old man's milk and spit into it.
The third biker turned over the old man's plate before joining the others at the counter.
Without saying a word to the laughing bikers, the old man put his money down, got up, and left the diner. One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied," Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his big rig over three motorcycles!"


What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna.
Oh the pot of glue? I figured you’d get stuck there.


A manufacturing plant was in trouble, and nobody knew why. They finally brought in an expert to fix the problem.
The guy basically walks in, inspects the equipment, takes out a chalk piece, marks one unit with an X mark and leaves.
The plant’s owner replaces the unit and viola! everything’s working again.

A week later, the guy’s invoice reaches the owner - $5000. The owner is outraged. 5 grand for drawing one measly X mark. He writes a letter demanding an itemized bill, so he could ‘review expenses’.
The expert obliges. His itemized bill goes as follows -

    X mark - USD 1.00

    Knowing where to put it - USD 4,999.00

Someone once told me to search for inner peace. I've looked, it's not in here.

 
I thought by now you'd realize

A taxidermist and his apprentice are working late into the night to get their big project done - a full size lion on a purpose built stand. This once-mighty big cat had been killed in a fight with another lion, and was being fixed up for display at a natural history museum. The taxidermist had skillfully blended in hide from another big cat where the larger wounds were, to make the lion look whole and healthy.

The taxidermist is called away for an urgent phone call, and instructs his apprentice to look over the facial features, check the fake eyes and ensure it was ready for display. The apprentice, thrilled that his boss was trusting him with such a task, carefully checked over everything as he was instructed.

Alas, accidents happen and the apprentice managed to gouge a large mark into the lion's upper face. He was terrified that he would be fired on the spot. After fretting for a few minutes he remembered how his boss had patched the other marks, and attempted to do the same. He worked quickly and carefully and was able to repair the damage. Pleased at his quick thinking, the apprentice stood back and admired the animal. The taxidermist returned and as soon as he caught sight of the face he sighed and shook his head. When the apprentice asked what the matter was, the taxidermist simply said,

"Don't you know by now you can't hide your lion eyes?"

Mangoes are starting to drop, is season starting?

I have a mango powered workout again.

I was sitting on a bench at the park.  I decided that after 7 miles of bombing the trail, it was time for a water bottle.  The Goodyear Blimp was on the other side of the trees.

I was sitting under a 30 foot tall Mango tree there by the water fountain and looked up.

Hey you tree!  Lets have some fruit, Oscar needs some too.

It really is early for this.  On the dog walks, if there are any unripe fruit I will pick it up.  We had a wind storm and some rain for the first time in months, probably before xmas.  On the ground there were quite a few golf ball sized and larger fruit waiting.  Right after the last storm there were a couple quarter pound fruit there for the passers by to enjoy.

I had those this morning, Oscar had a few golf ball sized mangoes and some peanuts.

I was thinking about all of this and talking to the big tree while looking up.  Probably  I was just hungry.

My mind flicked back to the cookies I took for a post workout snack sitting on the passenger seat of the Jeep and I thought, may as well get back to it.

It was just a quick couple of miles to get to the car anyway, and while the conditions were perfect, it was about time to go.

Skating in South Florida is a bit different.   In Pennsylvania, I could easily go for a 5 mile stretch without having a break in the pavement, road crossing the trail, or even a water stop.  Marathons were common.  My usual workouts were 33 miles three times a week.  I'd make the difference up for a "Hundred Mile Week".  

Here at the Pompano Airpark, it is a short loop of only 4.6 miles.  Every mile has breaks in it.  Rumble strips for the blind, ingress and egress for the airport, close corners around the little mall where if you don't watch for debris on the trail, you will fall.

So I sat there.  Semi New Skates with only 100 miles on them.  I finished that bottle of ice water I brought with me.  You don't want to drink from a public water fountain these days.  It is the only source of water on that side of the park and it gets used in odd ways.

Standing up, I looked at the tree and the benches, and moved on.  

New skates with new bearings with new wheels mean that you can move.  In my case, a Four Minute Mile is not unheard of, although I have been purposely holding my speed down.  

After all, a missed pebble and you're painting asphalt with your own skin.  I've done that too many times.  But let me tell you, moving along with the speed of the birds and the wheels humming out the miles is a wonderful way to spend a morning.

Getting back to the car, the treat of those cookies and a rather nice view across the open grass to the Goodyear Blimp was in store. 

It's time.  A wonderful time to eat up the miles and the cookies.