Yellowbook: Now Easier To Throw Out!

You just can't make this up.

I didn't have to.

I came home from a workout.  Pulling into the driveway I notice some trash by my trashcan as I roll past.

Getting my workout gear out of the car, I walk over to the can and just shake my head.

It's the annual delivery of trash better known as The Yellowbook.  Yellow Pages.

Does anyone actually use this anymore?  Do we really consult the dead tree directory in this day and age of smartphones, ubiquitous computing, and widespread wifi?

I actually use it for one purpose.  There is a collection of old phone books under a credenza in the living room.  They sit there to block my dog's toys from rolling too far under so he can get them back.

That's it. 

I don't have hamsters to chew them up. 
I don't use them to line the parrot cage. 
I don't use them to start a fire. 
I haven't looked inside of one in need of a service in years.

Technically speaking, they are litter.  I would expect that if a lawyer wanted an easy fee, they could sue for damages or some such insanity.  I didn't ask for them.  I don't even have a landline.  My cellphone is "unlisted", or at least it was a decade ago when I got it as a snowbird.

Yes, I wanted a 954 area code when I still lived in Philadelphia.

I tried last year to surf https://www.yellowpagesoptout.com but it didn't work.  I will opt out again and wonder if in another year I'll come home and they will helpfully put their "publication" next to the trash can so I only have to bend down to bin the stupid thing.  The website demands that you register your name, address, and phone number in order to opt out of their trash.  I'll make something up later.  There is no way on this earth this bunch of fools will get my phone number. 

A victim of the internet era that still lingers on.  Someone please tell the advertisers that their presence in such a publication merely implies that they're not really one of the more technologically savvy of companies.

Just for a laugh, even though it was a small one, I turned to the yellowpages section on computers.  To prove my point there were three ads for computer services in there.  Those would be three companies that I would skip over.

Jus' sayin'!

Another Day, Another Adobe Flash Exploit

Flash used to be what I would call "Update of the Day Club".  Start your computer and get into doing what you need, and surprise of surprises, there would be an update window popping up for Flash.

We seem to be back to that.

It's a nuisance because with at least Firefox, it forces you to close your browser and go through the nonsense necessary to restart it.  Since Firefox isn't exactly 100% accurate in reopening pages and tabs, I hold my breath each time.

In this case, there's no reason to trash Firefox.  There was an exploit found with "Shockwave Flash" as it shows up in the addons page and it tells you it wants to be updated.


Except.


There is no update as of this writing.

So? What do you do?  Tread lightly, my friend.  What you need to do is put yourself through a bit of annoyance or uninstall the blighted software completely.

Since the annoyance is less of a problem than uninstalling Flash at this time, I'll show you how to do that.

What I am doing is to tell the browser to ask me to run it.  I was going to uninstall it completely.  Youtube does not use Flash as a default to play videos any longer, favoring the newer HTML5.  Facebook does use Flash and at this point it does not apparently use HTML5.

Here is how to go in and tell Flash to run when you want it.  It will leave an ugly placeholder in Facebook with the a grey Lego brick or the international symbol for no, and some warning messages, but you can always turn it back on to watch that particular video of a dog doing something cute if you really want to.




In Firefox:

In the address bar enter:   about:addons and hit enter to load the page.

On your Addons page:

• Find Shockwave Flash
• Click the button that most likely says "Always Activate" and select "Ask to Activate"
• click the link to "Check to see if your plugins are up to date" to open another tab.

On your "Check Your Plugins" Page

• Click the big red button that says "Update Now" under "Potentially Vulnerable Plugins" and follow the prompts to update your Flash.
• This space intentionally left blank.
• Flash will update through multiple steps that are documented on Flash's site.  
• They include downloading a program.  
• Make certain that you clear the box that asks if you want to download any "Optional Offer" like McAfee or any other "helpful" programs since they are not helpful and will simply clutter up your computer or it could even lock it up.
• Flash's install will require you to close your Firefox, so save your work.
• Note:  As Of This Writing, there is no update to Flash that will fix this problem.  That is why I told you to set Flash to "Ask To Activate".
• Flash will not be updated on Android, Apple's IOS, or Linux.
• Flash will eventually be updated on Windows 7 or newer, or Mac OSX... just not as of this writing.

Watching The Sunset

I haven't ever done the Sunset At The Beach thing.  I've usually got too many things going on at Sunset.

I've seen many Sunrises.  Seeing that I'm up early in the morning, and at this time of year it can be as much as two hours, I can watch it rise over the street or over the neighbor's Gumbo Limbo tree, just over that way.

But Sunset in January is when I'm out walking the dog. 

One evening, for some strange reason, I started getting phone calls on that walk.  This wasn't like when I was the Chief Technical Officer for the consulting firm.  Those late walks I would spend in a long distance phone meeting most nights.  Holding someone's hand, giving guidance, and directing a company that would later fade away. 

Interesting way to spend your nights, managing a company, and trying to save it from itself.  Try that while walking a dog through a major shopping and tourist area.  It was a challenge.

But this night the calls were a bit more mundane.  I was holding hands again.  It all got a bit too hectic when I got the second call after two texts.  Rack and I hadn't walked more than two blocks.  We usually do a mile at that time of night. 

Why not take advantage of the lay of the land?   I sat down at the Gables Wilton Park, on the bench, under the overhang and watched the goings on as I reassured someone that their business plan was sound, they were doing the right thing with their employees, and there really wasn't much more to say.

Gathering myself together and petting Rack, I noticed what he was watching.  Usually he's quite afraid of the traffic noises but for some reason he was more calm.  While he was seated against my right leg, he wasn't shivering.  This is a dog that will shiver if I drop a spoon on the floor.

You have to listen to your dog.  Trust in Dog.  They know what's going on even if you're too busy with your own and others problems.

It was a good spot to watch the sunset.  Instead of going out to the ruckus of the drive immediately, I took a well earned breather.  We got to sit there until the sun set low enough to be annoying to me, then went on our way.  After all, people travel from other nations to be in this same city that I walk my dog, so we may as well enjoy it.

Real Buttercream Chocolate Peppermint Cake or The Mistake Cake 2.0

Looking at the picture, I could have improved my technique somewhat.

There are random bits of Baker's Chocolate in the icing that remained solid.  If I had added some cream to the Baker's Chocolate and melted it, it would have blended more evenly into the icing. Since the cream goes into the icing anyway, I could have made a ganache by adding the cream to the chocolate, then melting them slowly together.  That resulting ganache would have mixed easier than the rather stiff Baker's Chocolate.

Three squares of Baker's Chocolate went into the icing.  You never add cocoa to an existing recipe that doesn't call for it since it will throw off the mix.  Melt chocolate in a Bain Marie, in your microwave, double boiler, then fold it in to the recipe.  You will have a much better result, and it won't be dried out.  Cocoa is a wonderful thing, but it is dry as dust and it will suck all the moisture out of your recipe.

I could have also used Chocolate Chips.  It would have made for a much sweeter icing, but that wasn't necessary.  This icing will be my "Go-To" icing from this point forward.

It REALLY is THAT good!

The Starmints were melted to "glass" and could have been sanded on the edges for a sharper look.  They weren't running into the icing, even after three days and the last pieces of cake were enjoyed.

But...

This turned out to be one of the tastiest cakes I have made in a very long time, and I do make them often.

First of all, it is what I will call the "Mistake Cake 2.0".  When I was in Key West, FL for a visit, I went to a small shop a couple blocks off of Duval street.  The place was a wonderful shop, run by an amazing, warm, and friendly woman named Henrietta.  Her shop was called The Art Of Baking.  Henrietta had this "Mistake Cake" that was a deep, dark, and rich Chocolate cake.  I love a good chocolate cake, and this was an excellent one.

However.

Henrietta was apologizing because she had made a mistake and dropped a teaspoon of peppermint oil into the cake batter.  She didn't know how it was, and I told her it sounded wonderful and I'd have it anyway. 

Watching me take my first forkful, Henrietta hovered like a mother watching her child take their first step.

The cake was amazing.  We enjoyed it together, and a conversation.  From that point forward I asked of her and her business, and ... well you get the picture.

What happened was she moved "back to the mainland".  From what I can tell she's in Midway, Georgia, doing private baking.  If I ever go back up there, I will certainly try to find her.  All the information after around 2009 gets a bit sketchy.

Anyway...

The decorations are simple and can be done at the same time as any other baking.  On a cookie sheet lined with aluminum foil, place the needed Starmints or hard candies face down.  Separate the candies well or they will run together and create a sheet of "glass" for you - unless that is what you want.  Preheat the oven to 350F and bake for 4 to 6 minutes.  At 4 minutes, check the candies - remove if done.  Trim edges with a knife.

The cake is simple, the actual recipe for the cake is my scratch chocolate cake batter, baked in 9 inch round pans for two layers.  Add one teaspoon of Real Peppermint Extract to the cake batter.

If scratch cake is a bit much, try a chocolate cake mix from a box.  But remember to add the teaspoon of Peppermint Extract.

Now for the good stuff.  The icing.  Unlike most icings that use shortening, this is a true buttercream.  There is no cooking, there are no weird preparations.  It has to be done with a mixer, and I recommend a stand mixer.  If you want to make this icing as a Yellow/White icing, leave out the chocolate.  If you want to make this without the peppermint extract, I recommend adding in a teaspoon of vanilla extract and that will give you a "proper" white buttercream icing.  Or even a banana or mango extract.

Ingredients:

• 2 sticks of butter, at room temperature, softened
• 3 to 4 cups of confectioners sugar, sifted
• 1 teaspoon of peppermint extract - other extracts can be substituted such as vanilla if desired
• 2 to 3 Tablespoons of Heavy Cream or Milk
• Optional - for chocolate icing, melt separately 3 squares Baker's chocolate
• Optional - pinch of salt

Process:

• Cream your butter well in a stand mixer.  The more you cream the butter, the more fluffy it will be
• To the creamed butter add in slowly 3 cups of sifted confectioner's sugar.  
• If a sweeter icing is desired, add up to 4 cups, however I found it to be perfect with 3 cups.
• Add to the icing base 2 to 3 Tablespoons of Heavy Cream or milk.  I recommend 3 Tablespoons heavy cream.
• Add to the icing base any flavoring such as your chocolate, vanilla, and peppermint at this time.
• Mix well to incorporate as much air as possible.
• This will be very stiff in the refrigerator so only chill when needed.
• At room temperature, this icing will be soft and creamy.

A Duck Walks Into A Bar

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer and pretzels.

The bartender says, "I've never seen a talking duck."
The duck replies, "Well, I work as a plasterer in the new construction down the street."

The duck becomes a regular at the bar, coming in every day to order beer and pretzels.

So one day a circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the bar and the bartender says, "You know what... there's a talking duck that works in the construction zone down the street. He comes in at lunch every day and orders beer and pretzels."

The ringmaster says, "Send him over! We can use a talking duck in the circus!"

Later that day the duck comes in and orders his beer and pretzels. The bartender serves him his beer and pretzels, and says, "You know, there's a circus in town, and they want to talk to you about a job."

"A circus? You mean, that place with the big tents?" The bartender says, "Yup!" "And all the the animals and such?"

"Yup," says the bartender.

The duck answers, "Why the heck do they want a plasterer?"

A Woman Goes Into a Coma

A woman goes into a coma while pregnant with twins.
Her husband dies in the car accident.

A few months into the coma, she successfully gives birth to a boy and a girl.
Shortly afterward, she wakes up.

"Where are my children? Are they alright?"
The doctor pats her shoulder reassuringly. "Yes, you delivered fine. You gave birth to a healthy boy and girl."

The woman sighs in relief. "Oh thank God. Who named them?"
The doctor frowns. "Your... brother, ma'am."

She lunged from the bed, grabbing him by the collar. "Oh no. He's an idiot. Tell me, WHAT DID HE NAME THEM?!"

"Deniece, he named the girl Deniece," he gasped.

She released her grip. "Oh... that's not too bad. And the boy?"

The doctor shamefully looked at the ground. "Denephew."

Fingernail Moon Over Wilton Manors

It was a couple nights back.  January 21st to be precise.

We had done our walk and was looking forward to coming home, having dessert, and putting on some mind numbing sit-com to laugh at for a couple hours.  All that domestic stuff everyone does, everyone thinks is so common and perhaps boring, and everyone misses when the routine gets disturbed.

After all, your routine is your routine because you made it that way.

In other words:  Everywhere you go, there you are.

Waving to the shop keepers, avoiding tourists on the drive, and getting Rack trained to accept a bit more noises had been done.  The walk was long enough.

In the middle of the street, we chattered about things that would be inconsequential to anyone but us, and that was fine.

That was where I stopped.

Asking "Can you see it?  The moon about as thin as it ever gets.  Right there above the big mango at the end of the block.", I stopped Kevin.

He squinted and said yes, and that you don't usually notice them that small.

I said "Let me borrow you for a minute.".  I stopped him, pointed him in the right direction, then used his shoulder to take the pictures.

"Could you please stop breathing, you're shaking the camera!" didn't help since it got him laughing.

I did manage three shots.  The best of them is cropped and reproduced here.

That's the thing about taking pictures.  You never have the right attachments at the right time, and if you do, there's nothing to take.  Borrow a shoulder or a parking meter if you have one.  I've done all that with varying results.  Next step is to tape the camera to a telescope and have a bit of fun.

That is, if you can actually spot the blasted thing.  The moon is a little below center vertically, left of center horizontally.  I have to keep wiping off the monitor to see it.

Technology.  It's a bear.

The Toilet, The New Private BYOD Office, and Learning Spanish

Reading as much as I do, I noticed something that tech guys have to be aware of.  Your own personal phone.

That and your tablets and all the other "stuff" you carry.  It's called "BYOD" or Bring Your Own Device.

They've got to worry about what you're surfing, whether you're doing "nefarious" activities, and whether you are ever actually going to come out of that rest room.

All this was going through my mind the other day.  I realized I was doing that too. 

The particular school of thought was bemoaning that people are sitting at work, getting paid, and playing things like Angry Birds in their offices, restrooms, and other places.

I never installed Angry Birds.  Wasn't my style.  I'm normally using a laptop or two at any given moment, virtual machines up and running, playing around with VMWare and pretending to Be Productive.

Yes, in Capital Letters.  Stay Motivated.  Be Productive. 

Blah.

So I tried playing games when I used the bathroom.  Really I did, but it just seemed, oh I don't know, an annoyance. 

Annoyance as in "Damnit I missed that bubble!" annoyance.  Yelling in the bathroom with the door closed about a bubble?  That's just too weird for me.

Life is annoying enough, and it just felt futile.  What was playing a game in the toilet going to give me anyway?

Don't answer that question, I meant it in a G Rated way anyway.

So after years of saying that I had a language tutor called Duolingo parked on my phone, I finally, actually did something with it.

I created a profile and began doing the course on Spanish.

I had had Spanish back in Junior High School.  Having been exposed to French in Montreal as a brat on vacation and also when listening to CBC on Shortwave, I took the courses in that language instead.  In retrospect, Spanish is more "useful" in this day and age where I am.  Unless I am going down to Dania Beach for a soft serve ice cream, my French is limited to hearing an occasional snippet of Creole from a Haitian.  I can usually get the feeling of what they're saying but it's truly been too many years.

I set rules for myself.  Goals were set at the lowest possible setting.  I didn't want it to Be A Thing that I HAD to do even if I did do it once or twice in the car.  Enjoy the experience.  Repeat each "chapter" until I got it completely correct.  Repeat the "mid-terms" until I got it completely correct.

The results are that progress is slow and steady.  It's more important to get this down and not sound the fool when I eventually get enough Spanish under my belt to be able to speak it to someone else.

At this point, I'm limited.   I am learning how to say useful phrases like "Los Elefantes bebe La Leche" or "La Tortuga bebe La Leche".

You never knew that drinking milk was so important to an Elephant or a Turtle, did you?

I'm also second guessing my sentences in Spanish there but at this stage I would.

I find myself arguing back at the program, Duolingo, when the thing tells me I am wrong for using correct English.  This gamification of learning has actually had me yelling at the phone saying "That doesn't make sense in English!".

*sigh* but it is the correct meaning.  Tap on the little bubble and it puts you into a browser that gives you the social discussion behind it.  Oh THAT'S what they mean by that!

*GRRRR!*

Oh well, take the bullet and do the same chapter tomorrow.

I'm three months into it.  I'm still watching Spiders drink Milk, Turtles eat Apples, The Women read Newspapers. 

I swear once it was a dog writing a letter.

So while it is strictly speaking, correct, it doesn't make sense all the time.  A bit literal.

After I flush, and come back to what I was doing earlier, I check the headlines on two Spanish Language news sites and challenge myself to read what the front page is telling me.  The BBC Mundo page is helpful because BBC in English is my main source of news.  Something called EFE USA helps as well.  Both are in supposedly basic Spanish. 

I get it.  I'm purposely hobbling my progress, but that's fine.  I want to be correct. 

I should probably start watching Plaza Sesame, er, Sesame Street in Spanish again.

There used to be a TV show produced on the Miami PBS Station called Que Pasa USA.  It featured a blended Hispanic and Anglo family.  Some spoke both English and Spanish, others only one language.   I'll keep an eye out for that and maybe set a watch filter on the DVR.  After all, when did you hear anything on a Sit-Com that was really deep and complex?

Leave The Simpsons out of this.  They're more subtle than you think, I think. 

Ok maybe not, but for now, I'm having fun challenging my mind, even if it is in the bathroom and therefore a bit weird.

Got any milk, Mr Turtle?

Youtube Prefers HTML5 Video to Flash - But What About All That Old Stuff?

Flash is one of those necessary evils.  It was like Java, reflexively installed onto computers that weren't really quite up to the task of running it. Just checked, nope, I don't have Java - and you should not either.

The computer would bog down, act cranky, and even crash when Flash was running.  Flash also has persistent cookies that you had to remember to delete.  Some people would have those cookies for years.  Security is a bear.

But there is one more nail is in Flash Player's coffin.  Youtube is now preferring HTML5 over Flash when you watch videos there.

Why is that important?

More and more Flash had been the target of people wanting to hijack passwords, insert viruses, and track your movements with those persistent cookies.  Adobe had put more and more patches into it and it became a joke.  Start the computer, patch Flash, restart the computer and do your work - every single day. 

Worse, some people that I supported would simply tell the update check to go away and never come back.

You are getting closer to the day you can do that for good. Many of us already have.

My Linux computer, currently Xubuntu, is not even supported on current Flash Player, and I did an uninstall of it a couple weeks back.  I didn't see the value of keeping an old piece of software on something that was running well without it and I almost never used.

My windows computer will get the same treatment.

About the only thing I ever do with Flash is to watch videos on Youtube.  The few games that I have kept over the years will get deleted.

That's about the only problem that I see with this.  Videos can be streamed using "native tools" but the content that was created in Flash will simply go away.  Quite a lot has been created in Flash over the years, even a few Broadcast TV Programs, and many commercials as well.

After all, when was the last time you played a video tape?  Beta?  VHS?  Vinyl Records?

That is the kind of problem that Librarians have.  Content on a platform that is unsupported.  Music on Cylinder Beeswax Records from the Edison era.  78 RPM records.  Heck, I even have a few 45s floating around here.  Silly looking 7 inch donuts.

For most of us, it's simply easier to find the track elsewhere and save it on something new.  But for librarians, especially archival libraries, they have to worry about that sort of thing every day.

Anyone still have and use a zip disc?  Nope?  Didn't think so!

So the net result to you is that if you are running one of the four major browsers in one of the top four major operating systems on the desktop/laptop you're fine.  Just make sure your browser is up to date.  Firefox, Internet Explorer, Chrome, and Opera all work with HTML5.

See, that's easy!

The iPhone and Android based phones will typically use the Youtube client or the browser will take care of it.

One aside though, with Android, it's usually recommended that you do not use the base browser and go out and grab either Firefox or Chrome.  The reason is that if you are on an older version of Android, Google is not going to support the old "Browser" browser.

So it's just safer that way.  Listen to big brother even if it is a bother.

Ok?

Sunshine in Your Morning Cup

Florida has its quirks.  Gators in the lakes and rivers.  Buildings that are low slung and spread out which demands that you drive everywhere.  Good roads that you leave to the tourists because they drive like idiots.

No, really, Tourists here drive "worse than I do". 

But it is the Sunshine State.  Sunshine most days, and in the summer it can be quite bright.  Brilliant might be a better description.  The homes aren't built to allow light in, those low slung boxes are normally built to keep the sun out.  Large overhangs, Bahama Shutters, and awnings will help keep the sun indirect. 

Too much of a good thing can be a headache.   Things fade quickly, plastics and fabrics will dry out.  My futon in the back room has a hunter green cover to it that faded to a pastel in spots, streaked, and generally looks like something you might encounter wadded up in a corner of an old city.   That happened in about 6 months.

Anyone want a Futon frame?  It's a great piece of furniture.  Solid hardwood frame, it'll clean up good.  You just need to replace the cover on the mattress.

Someone?  Anyone?  Beuhler?

But we do tend to hide from the sun here.   You can play the game we play called "Spot the tourists".  I told you how to spot them on the roads - just look at the interstates.  The locals use the surface routes.

No, I mean in the malls.  You spot them because they're wearing shorts in February, or they have a tan.  People here tend to hide from the sun or they've decided to go "all in" and tan their hides to the point where it resembles the finish on the wainscoting in front of my chair.  Dry and brown.  Leathery.  Shorts?  In Florida?  You have to be kidding!  Those mosquitoes will carry off a Buick!

That's why that one morning I had to stop waging war against the sun and marvel that the sight even happened in the first place. 

It only happens in this house for a good 15 minutes and only in the winter.   The sun angle has to be just right.  It has to be in the morning.  You have to be at the right place at the right time.  On the desk in the Florida Room, I started putting oddball things to block that one errant sunbeam that shines right in my eye.  It's either that or have breakfast from 7:32 until 7:46 in the morning.  Give or take a few seconds.  In January.  I guess in November too.

That one moment though.  Have you ever stopped and looked at something that annoyed you, for months, and thought in an ephiphany that it was beautiful?  I did.  The simple things in life?  It all comes down to a window, a sunbeam, and steam rising off the morning cup.  Complete with the faintest rainbow I had ever seen indoors.

*sip* tastes good too.