A Guy is Out Drinking At The Bar on a Weeknight
So he enjoys his night, but finally the night comes to an end, and it's time for him to go home. He makes sure to close his tab, checks to ensure he has his ID and wallet - he does. Knowing that all of his bases are covered he goes to get up to leave and falls flat on his face.
He's a little drunk, so not entirely surprised. So he tries to get up and walk with the same results - bam, flat on his face. Now he's lying on the floor thinking, "I can't call my wife, she will have my ass if she found out I was lying about working so I could go drink tonight."
But he's a determined man. He decides if he can't walk, then damnit, he'll crawl. And crawl he does. He crawls the full mile from the bar to his house. By some miracle, he is able to unlock his door and lock it again once he's inside. And by an even bigger miracle, he's able to crawl his way into his bedroom and into bed without waking his wife. The man goes to bed smugly thinking how smooth he is.
The next morning, he wakes up with his wife standing over him glaring at him with the fury of a thousand hells.
"So... you went to the bar last night, eh?" The wife angrily asks.
"What are you talking about, I was working?" The man replies. In his mind, he's going back over his night. He is positive he covered all of his bases. There's no way his wife could have known.
"Don't lie to me; I know the truth." The wife snaps back.
"How?" The man asks, generally stumped as to how she could possibly know.
"The bartender called... you left your wheelchair at the bar!"