Why did the crab cross the road? It didnt, it used the sidewalk.

Sitting here watching the sun come up, palm trees sway in the breezes that are starting to set up, and hoping for that warm weather to return.  Hoodie Sweatshirts are in fashion this weekend here in Greater South Florida!



Little Jhonny was an only child.

After hearing from his friends that had younger siblings how fun it was to take care, play, and sometimes pick on them, he got extremely jealous and began to wish very badly for a little brother.

So everyday he would beg his parents for them to have another baby. His parents, however, really didn't want another child, so they always refused. But at some point, little Jhonny's dad got tired of being constantly pestered, so he decided to make something up for him:

"Son, you actually DO have a little brother!"

"What? No way!"

"It's true! It's just that your schedules never match!"

"What? What does that mean?"

"Well, it means that while he's here at home, you're at school. And while you're sleeping, we are playing with him. Got it? He stays with us almost as much as you do, but you never run into each other!"

"Ohhhhhh! So then he's like my other daddy."

Dentists make a living from people with bad teeth. Why would you use a toothpaste that 9/10 dentist recommend?

 While there is a certain kind of cynical logic in that topic, all I have to say is go brush your teeth, frequently!  

After a party, a guy finds himself invited to the home of a girl he's just met for the first time. She shows him into the living room, and tells him to make himself at home while she goes to the kitchen to make them some drinks.

He notices a cute jar on a bookshelf, and picks it up to take a closer look. Just at that moment the girl walks back in, so he asks her, "What's this?"

"Oh," she says, "My dad's ashes are in there." .

"I'm terribly sorry," he says, "I didn't know..."

"It bothers me and mom too," she says, "my old man is just too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.




And since that one is a bit on the short side, you can keep warm with this one. 







A rookie cop is at an intersection.

While he’s at the red light, he sees a street sign that reads: “WATCH FOR PEDESTRIANS”
A few seconds later he notices a lady walking across the street along the zebra crossing.

He honks his horn to stop her, rolls down his window and asks: “Ma’am, are you a pedestrian?”
The woman, confused at the purpose of the cop’s question, replies “yes, officer.”

The cop proceeds to take out his pen and notepad and promptly asks “So, which part of Pedestria are you from?”

Windows 7, 8, and 8.1? End of Life. As for me "I don't do windows".

Picture it. 10PM, January 9, 2023.

I just had let my dog out to water the mango tree for the last time in the evening.  I was sitting on the edge of my bed in a pair of black boxer brief shorts.

Yes, boxers, not briefs.

I had done something I rarely do.  I started Windows Update.

Mind you, I'm not certain I got the software I told it to download.  I am no longer a Windows person.

That computer and the one I am using right now are older.  As in this one has a sticker on its bottom that says Windows 8 Pro.  I'd put the date some time in 20-Teens.  The one I updated was older.  Early 20-Teens.  Windows 8.1 was released to Manufacture as of October 2013 according to this Wikipedia article.

That old machine with the Windows on it is my only machine with Windows.  It pre-dates Windows 8.1  I think it was the original ugly block land of Windows 8.  That was about a year before on October 2012.  Hideous, huh?

I Don't Do Windows.  It runs like a "Lead Sled".

I'm on that slightly newer machine that is purring along running a current copy of Debian Linux.  Never a problem.  Never a quirk.  It Just Works.

Windows?  Meh. That's what I use to download Debian.

I used to be quite strong in diagnosing problems in it but when Windows 8 came along, it started to have far too many "Phone Home" issues for my own personal tastes.  I began to wean myself off of it around 2013 and really only use it for the annual slog through tax season.

Hmm... Maybe I need to look into that.  My taxes will be fairly simple anyway.

At any rate, If you need help keeping your old computer going, you have a few choices.

First, you can buy a new machine and an external hard drive.  Copy your stuff onto the hard drive from the old machine, then get used to which ever operating system you choose on your new one.  Windows 11 or perhaps a Mac.  Copy your stuff onto the new one and live there.

Second, you can ignore the "Consequences could be Dire" crowd and get lots of exposure to exploits.  Don't take that machine to the coffee shop.  Once you leave home with that you're bound to eventually get hacked.  Limit your surfing on that machine as well.  I think I heard that they are planning on stopping virus scanner updates there too.

Third, do what I did.  I backed my needed stuff up, then installed Linux on the machine.  I have an encrypted hard drive, a desktop that I have made to look like my old Windows 7 desktop so it is pleasantly familiar, and when I get a newer "Corporate Handmedown", I can repeat my own install routine and have a new-to-me computer in about 2 hours.

I have done that upgrade twice within the last year.  Each time took about 2 hours.

If it weren't for my own sports and nutrition interests I'd be using Linux on an older phone and telling the hackers and both Apple and Google to kiss my fuzzy butt.  I use very few apps on the phone anyway because I find all that walking blindly into a phone pole because social media bleeped at me very pointless.  The software that talks to my sports watch however is very important. 

After all, I am at 23,867 miles total career miles on my inline skates.  Having that watch makes counting distances so much more simple.

So good luck with whatever you do.  I can help you to the right direction with safeguarding your data, I still consider myself very security aware.  But as for Windows?

Like the Hazel the Maid might say: "I don't do Windows."

What did the triangle say to the circle? You're pointless.

 So here's the deal.  It's one of "I'm Running Late" Days.  I have to wake up the house.  The dog has been out for a mile and a bit, and was waking up the neighbors because someone I know was picking up trash in an empty lot behind the house.  I'm half asleep and you know what that means?

Nothing.  Really, It's sunny, nice, warm, and I'm going to go for another of my four mile dog walks today.

Enjoy your sunday!  I will.  No, I mean I'll enjoy yours too.  Go get up and experience outside for a bit even if it is below freezing.  You'll appreciate the warm more!  :)





Intercom


A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said,

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

Since my girlfriend started working at the grease factory it's been really hard trying to get hold of her.

Ok this is a bit of a "Humble Brag" but I am pleased with this so I'll share this with the dozen readers I get...  Was listening to BBC World Service and they dropped an announcement for a programme that was about the Pink Iguanas in the Galapagos.  It was in Spanish, and I didn't realize I understood it until the announcement was over.  Go Me! :)

And now back to our normal weekend silliness.  (You will see the tie-in).


 
A guy was traveling in the Spanish countryside, and after driving all day he stopped for the night at a tiny inn. 

The innkeeper, upon giving him his key, asked him if he would like to participate in a battle of wits with his special chicken. "If you stump him, you get a wish, any wish you like!" he explains.

The man agrees to it, and he's led into the bar, whereupon sits a healthy sized hen. He proceeds to have a battle of wits, and is roundly defeated by the hen.

"I didn't expect the chicken to be so smart!" says the man.
"No," says the innkeeper, "no one expects the Spanish inn quiz wish hen!"



And, since that was so short...





A homeless man approached me as I was leaving a sandwich shop and he asked me if I had $5 to spare. I felt bad for him, and was just about to give him the money.

But then I realized I was holding a $5 foot long I had just bought, so I held up both the cash and the sandwich and told him he could have whichever one he preferred.

He stared at the sandwich. Then his eyes shot over to the $5 bill. He looked at the sandwich again, then back at the cash. After a moment his eyes were darting back and forth between the two, and he threw up his hands in despair, let out a scream of anguish and then turned and ran away from me.

At first I was totally confused, but then it dawned on me: Beggars can’t be choosers.

Let It Rain 2022 leaks into 2023 as Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM) discovers his two left feet

I lived in Philadelphia, PA for a long block of time.  There is a line in the tax code that if you have a public building, you have to contribute 1 percent to public art. 

Mind you I could easily have this mixed up, and I don't seem to remember what the definition of Public was there in this context.

However, one thing about being in town there was that I felt steeped in art.  One of the Rodin Museums was very close to where I worked, for example.

Philly did miss the mark when it came to a few things, but you get to the point where when you go to other places, you expect art.

Even if it is just something built into the doors and walls like the art deco of the buildings around Rittenhouse Square or the "WCAU Building" on Chestnut Street.

So when I see art being put on display here or simply appearing I have a strange "Well yeah it's needed" mindset.  As in, "It is like Oxygen.  You can't live without art."

When we started seeing things crop up here, the Gorilla a couple blocks up from me that lived on Wilton Drive, or the current Orange Slice Stack that is closer to me, it felt right, I expected it.

I'm not minimizing things, it really does make life in a city much more pleasant.  After all, the Soviets never did that sort of thing and it rendered their cities with a very harsh and sterile look.

Lately there is a Theme to some of the art we have had crop up.  It at first reminded me of the kind of drawings we would do on the streets in front of our houses as children.  We did learn that if it was done with a candle, the pictures would last longer and repel the water.  

Why is this important?  Because in the Holiday Season, someone was doing a similar thing.  Stencils of all sorts of things appeared on the sidewalks, but only when it rained. 

"Let It Rain" is the theme.  Since we got inundated when everyone up North got feet of snow (Buffalo NY is still digging out from what I hear), it was quite obvious what these things were.  Spirals, Flowers, "Be Nice", and feet would crop up in three spots around town.

I am amused because the stencil for feet was two LEFT feet, not a left and right as would be traditional.  Or just flip the stencil over and do the right foot?

Anyway, I'm looking forward to more of a shower, but only in the afternoon so I can get my own morning routines in, OK?

Two Left Feet.  Kind of like my own dancing.  Oh sure, with all the cardio I do, I can dance forever, just not too "complex" or too well.

Well never mind that, do go enjoy the art.  It will give you something to do when you are looking at the ground for puddles to avoid! 

Got to love a community based event like this!

Happy Holidays, Anyway!

After last night and the mortar shells that pass for fireworks here, I'm not in a very happy mood but Happy New Year to all.

Even to the Air BNB people that come to our town in droves to "visit".

All Damn Night with those fireworks?  Get a life.


I will say that if our cities, including my own, are not collecting taxes on these businesses that are literally feet from the door, they definitely need to consider imposing an impact fee.

We can't keep the businesses staffed since people generally don't want to work for low/slave/minimum wages, and frankly I don't blame them. 

In places where an impact fee exists, it is normally partially earmarked towards alleviating the pain of trying to live in a resort town by assisting those who currently work in that town.

After all, if I decided to operate a Smelting plant or a Junkyard on my property, the City would rightly have something to say about it.

But Happy New Year, anyway.

The punchline comes first. How do you know that a comedian is a time traveler?

Seemed like the proper one liner to use for the last post of a year.

And speaking of being timely, I was sent this particular little story a bunch of times since Thanksgiving and maybe it's a good time to use this one too.


A burglar breaks into a house. He begins to search the home for valuables when hears a quiet voice say
“Jesus is watching you” he dismisses it as paranoia and carries on with his crime. 

He hears the voice again “Jesus is watching you”.
He’s knows this time it’s not in his head so he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner.

He walks over to the parrot and it repeats one more time “Jesus is watching you”.
The burglar says to the parrot. “Is your name Jesus?”
“No it’s Moses” the parrot replied.

The burglar laughs and says “Who names a parrot Moses?” and
the parrot says “The same person who named the Rottweiler Jesus”

Looking Really Closely At Zinnia With A Macro Lens

You know, being under a cloud deck for a week is really annoying.  It is especially annoying when you are in a place called the Sunshine State but I am certain there are other places that feel the same.

In fact, it’s December 27 as I write this.  It is supposed to be the Dry Season.  I expect no rain for months.   Weather has been somewhat upside down this year so we’ll just ignore all that wet and dry stuff.

I am certain that places in England, Ireland, and the Pacific Northwest are rolling their eyes at this thing I am missing.   Sunshine indeed.

I may even have to put on some sunblock next time I go for a skate this week in the park.  It may be Winter for most, but here, we’ll see the 80s before long.  U have a bunch of rather nice tan lines from my watch, cycle shorts, skating T shirts from last week’s workouts.

Grey skies or not, the color palate here is typically green.  In a State named after Flowers, you have to have a lot of green plants to make the blooms.

I have always grown plants.  They entertain me.   I enjoy watching them grow.  There are pots everywhere on the property under drip-feed irrigation to make it easier and more ecologically friendly to engage in this obsession.   For the most part they are green – Basil for the salad stays green until it goes “to seed” then it puts out tiny flowers of white tinged with lavender.   

That’s one for the future.  My cheap little clip on Macro Zoom lens that magnifies things by about 22 times will help there.  

For now, I have been enjoying my Zinnia.  I have grown these all my life.  When I was a child in New Jersey, I’d harvest the blooms each year and replant in spring.  Here, it has not gotten cold enough for me to worry about them freezing because I am 8 miles (13KM) from the southernmost freeze line in Boca Raton.   Clint Moore Road if you’re keeping a record.

I’m bothered that I am only getting two colors, Brilliant Orange and a Riotous Pink, so I will keep planting them hoping that one or more of the other dozens of colors will leak in.  

I have a bag full of interesting seeds I have collected here and there, and thought that this would be a great time for me to plant them.  I had Mint, Milkweed, Salvia, and yes some more of those Zinnia seeds.  Since I have plenty of seed heads, I can make plenty of flowers.

You know, I have this pot that I started with all those seeds and the only thing I got so far was one single orange Zinnia.  

Yes, they look pretty, but I really did want some Mint Tea when I planted this stuff.

Oh well, back to the seed store in January.  The Peppers did not come up either so I will have to try again!  

Besides, someone gave me as a White Elephant a box that says it’s a Psychedelic Garden.  Root vegetable seeds and pots.  Radishes, Beets, Carrots, Zucchini, and Cucumber I believe.  In Pots.  It seems implausible but let’s see what we get!

Happy Holidays, Whichever you choose!

Cold Holidays to you too!  I just got back from the first one mile walk with Rack the McNab SuperDog (TM) in what passes for the frozen tundra of South Florida.  Sipping over creamed Coffee in the big green rocker watching the palm trees sway in the winds off the ocean here.

So no matter which holiday you celebrate,
Happy Kwanzaa
Happy Hanukkah (Facebook Spelling, I apologize),
Happy Christmas (As the British say),
Or even Happy Festivus for the Rest of Us!

Enjoy your festive season from me shivering in South Florida, to you wherever you are in the world.

I'll recycle that old picture I made up years ago for the link above, I still haven't had my coffee yet!