Two Jokes for a Sunday Morning

These two jokes come with the Velma Seal of Approval (TM).  Think of it as an internet Good Housekeeping seal for humor.
 
Or not, but do enjoy.


I did. :)

Oh and that second joke, well, I'll just say I was thinking of two specific people when I read this one.  


Don't Lie To Your Mom!
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."  So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother,

I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, John."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom." 


A Mule, a Donkey, Or A ...?
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police.
Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department.  They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department.  The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway.  The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
      
Badges, dont need no stinkin' badges......hilarious